"Fearfulness and trembling have taken hold upon me, and a horrible dread has overwhelmed me."
The very idea of finding himself in such a place, was enough of itself to affect the strongest mind with revolting feelings. But with that idea, the dark doubt, and uncertainty as to the circumstances attendant on his position—whether the cause had really justified the dreadful measures which had been employed; or if—equally revolting idea!—the unnatural persecution which had haunted him from his birth, had taken this last dark means of wreaking itself on its victim; if so, to what extent might it not be carried? And at the best, had not enough already been done to fix the brand of madness for ever on his name—
"Blighting his life in best of his career."
We need not say, how agonizing thoughts of his late mother mingled with this sterner woe, how he seemed to float alone on a stormy sea of trouble, that star of light which once alone had illumined his darkness, now withdrawn to shine upon a higher, purer sphere, till in moments of despair he was tempted, poor, unfortunate young man! to implore of Heaven that those deep black waters might engulph him for ever in their depth—that he might die! for "what now was his life good unto him?"
CHAPTER XIX.
Feel I not wrath with those who placed me here,
Who have debased me in the minds of men,
Debarring me the usage of my own,
Blighting my life in best of its career,
Branding my thoughts as things to spurn and fear.
BYRON.
A week passed thus, and at the close, Eustace was not only permitted to leave his bed, but was removed during the day to a lower room, opening upon an enclosed court, into which, though still feeble, he was permitted to stroll at his pleasure, undisturbed by the sight or presence of any of the wretched inmates of the establishment. Here his proud form at length one day confronted the doctor; and as he drew near, to inquire after his patient, Eustace thus accosted him: