When we have passed through all the labors and trials of early life, and in full maturity or just on the decline pause a moment to recall the friends of our youth now gone, and the sweet family ties now broken, how the heart aches with the memory of hasty words or actions, and vainly yearns for one more opportunity for the better performance of our whole duty, in all love, fidelity, and patience! But
“God ... pity us all
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall;
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: It might have been!”
LXXX.
IN SUCH AN HOUR AS YE THINK NOT.
WHEN a young girl is called by the death of her mother to assume the management of the family before her home education has been completed, we know of very few cases which draw so largely on our sympathy. Grief and depression for the loss of a mother is hard enough for the young heart to endure; and added to this, it is no easy thing to accept the responsibility of providing for the comforts of those thus thrown upon her care. All the economical arrangements of the household, the oversight of cooking, even when the labor is done by the hands of a servant; the daily watchings to prevent miscalculations in marketing; the neatness and regularity to be secured in every department,—may seem light to an experienced matron, but are heavy burdens to be laid upon a slight young girl. Yet all this is but a drop, compared with the thought and anxiety she must feel in administering to the health and happiness of her father and of the children, even younger than herself, who will now turn to her for the care once so efficiently and promptly given by the mother. And most likely, until trials came to her, the daughter had never had cares or duties that demanded the exercise of her independent judgment,—her mother being always near to direct and decide.
A daughter may be ever so thoroughly instructed in all womanly employments, yet if her mother retains the entire charge of every portion of the household labor,—the child simply following as she is bid,—there can be little opportunity for the development and exercise of her individual judgment. She naturally prefers to lean on one ever ready to relieve her from distasteful duties. This is, no doubt, pleasant for both,—the mother is happy in shielding, the child happy in freedom from care. But we doubt if it is wise or right, for often “in such an hour as ye think not” all this must be changed. Frequently, without a moment’s warning or time for preparation, the mother is taken from her family. Ought she not to have furnished her child, by her teachings, with that experience which, like a lamp trimmed and burning, would guide her footsteps, enabling her, when this unlooked-for trial came, to assume these responsibilities with comparative ease? We believe that even at an early age it is best that some particular duty should be committed to the care of every child, thus teaching them self-reliance from the beginning of life, and accustoming even the little ones to feel responsible for a certain amount of daily labor. Of course, the mother will quietly watch that these small duties are properly performed, but not openly, so that her child loses the sense of real accountability, by knowing that “mother will see that it is all right, even if I should neglect or make mistakes.” The mother must point out mistakes, but the child should always be made to rectify them. The knowledge that doing work hastily or carelessly will only be the cause of punishment by compelling her to do the work over and over again, until it is right, is a great safeguard against contracting careless habits. Lessons thus enforced do not often need repeating.
Little by little, as the child grows toward womanhood, let the mother throw off some portion of her cares, teaching her daughters to oversee or perform them correctly, and by so doing not only lighten her own labors, but make such duties easy for her children in after years, or if they should be called prematurely to the entire charge. When daughters are old enough to become their mother’s companions, they should also become joint partners in home and household responsibilities. When out of school, divide the work so that every other week the mother shall be entirely free from all care,—a guest in the family; or if that is at first too great a tax on the young partner, “take turns” in dividing the work,—the daughter one week having the charge of the cooking, marketing, and arranging for each meal entirely herself; the next week, of the dairy, if on a farm, or the laundry or chamber- work. When each week is ended, the mother can point out the failures, or recommend a better or easier way of doing some particular thing; but unless advice or directions are asked, it is far better that the young housekeeper should be left to her own skill and judgment. For a few times this may not prove the best economy, but in the end “it pays,” and with good interest. Of course, before this plan can be carried into execution to any extent, the young lady has served an apprenticeship, so far as to know, herself, that part of the work which comes under her jurisdiction each week; and when practice shall have made perfect, and the term of apprenticeship expires, it is excellent discipline for a daughter to assume the reins entirely, for a shorter or longer time, as health or pleasure may determine, subject to such suggestions as may be deemed advisable. This arrangement gives rest and liberty, if all her children are grown up, for the mother to read, travel, or enjoy social life; as she could not do when they were young and needing the mother’s care,—which should never be delegated to another, unless compelled by ill health. This is a most valuable training, by which the young housekeeper is prepared for a useful life, or a happy home of her own some day.
We cannot but feel that of late years too large a proportion of care and thought is bestowed by parents in educating their daughters to shine in fashionable life,—in giving them an ornamental rather than a solid, practical, or intellectual education. They dislike to keep their children at close study, lest they should spoil their figures or their eyes, and allow them to discard housework for fear their hands will not be small and delicate enough to show to advantage at the piano, or in a party. Music, painting, and dancing are all well enough in their way,—some of them very important,—but should not be sought after to the exclusion of the practical, and by no means the least important part of a young girl’s education, and preparation for an active, useful life. Many young ladies will not willingly accept these views; but it is for the most part because mothers, out of mistaken fondness, do not care to have them; or, as is too often the case, because they do not like the drudgery, as they term it, of teaching the lessons in domestic economy, so necessary to their future welfare,—an indolent or selfish mode of setting aside heaven-ordained duties, for which a severe reckoning may one day be demanded.