Aye. He did remember it. He took the poor hand into his, and unconsciously played with its wasted fingers.
“Have you any reproach to cast to me?” he gently said, bending his head a little.
“Reproach to you! To you, who must be almost without reproach in the sight of Heaven! You, who were everlasting to me—ever anxious for my welfare! When I think of what you were, and are, and how I quitted you, I could sink into the earth with remorse and shame. My own sin, I have surely expiated; I cannot expiate the shame I entailed upon you, and upon our children.”
Never. He felt it as keenly now as he had felt it then.
“Think what it has been for me!” she resumed, and he was obliged to bend his ear to catch her gradually weakening tones. “To live in this house with your wife—to see your love for her—to watch the envied caresses that once were mine! I never loved you so passionately as I have done since I lost you. Think what it was to watch William’s decaying strength; to be alone with him in his dying hour, and not to be able to say he is my child as well as yours! When he lay dead, and the news went forth to the household, it was her petty grief you soothed, not mine, his mother’s. God alone knows how I have lived through it all; it has been to me as the bitterness of death.”
“Why did you come back?” was the response of Mr. Carlyle.
“I have told you. I could not live, wanting you and my children.”
“It was wrong; wrong in all ways.”
“Wickedly wrong. You cannot think worse of it than I have done. But the consequences and the punishment would be mine alone, as long as I guarded against discovery. I never thought to stop here to die; but death seems to have come on me with a leap, like it came to my mother.”
A pause of labored hard breathing. Mr. Carlyle did not interrupt it.