Such was the letter which, on the ensuing day after the interview with the oculist, Charles Huyton’s groom carried to the Vicarage; and to this Hilary was forced to reply, for the servant was waiting for an answer. Was it not a dazzling vision to place before a young girl’s eyes, whose self-devotion to her family was her most prominent characteristic? Opulence and all its advantages for them, instead of a narrowing income, a humble home, and the wearing routine of close domestic economy; and the price was to give her hand to an amiable and agreeable man, passionately devoted to her, and a favorite with every member of her family. Ought selfish feelings to stand in the way, and prevent their enjoying benefits which she might so easily purchase?
For a moment she hesitated; she deliberated not for herself, but for those most dear to her. Then, too, there was his plea. Could it be necessary to insist on his leaving home and home duties, renouncing his occupations and pursuits, and all for her? Had she any right to require such a sacrifice? She pondered the question again and again: her head was bewildered, and she could decide on nothing. Time was flying quickly; the
answer must be written. Oh! for a friend to guide and counsel her.
Nay, but she had a friend; One who would not leave her; One always accessible, always loving and patient. And there was a rule, too, a rule to guide her, if she could but discover it; she knew that she must not expect sudden illuminations, divine impulses to direct her; such were not the answers to her prayers for which she had been taught to look. Her line of duty was marked out, and she could see it, doubtless, clear and distinct, if she could but remove the intervening mists and shadows, which passion and prejudice, imaginations, mistrust, or too great anxiety for the future had thrown across it. She prayed to be guided aright, and then quietly set herself to review the case, trusting that she should eventually see what the right was.
The cloud passed from her eyes; she saw the snare laid before her; stepped aside, and thanked God that she had been saved from sin and danger.
“Thou shalt not do evil that good may come of it.”
There was the rule; and plausible as the temptation had appeared, she saw now that it was evil. Yes, evil to give her hand without her heart, to sell herself for any earthly good, either to herself or others; to make the solemn vow to love, honor, and obey, one toward whom the two former seemed impossible, and the latter might be incompatible with other duties. What, if she shrank from the claims now existing on her, should she therefore form others more indissoluble, more exacting still? If she had not strength to act a daughter’s part, should she take the responsibilities of a wife also? Would she have more time to attend to her father’s wants, when she had added the cares of an extensive establishment, and a large dependent neighborhood? What madness to dream of such a change! And would the luxuries, the indulgences of wealth be a real blessing, a safe acquisition to those for whom she had been tempted to procure them. Whose words then were those who spake—“How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom
of heaven?” Did not He know, or could He be mistaken?
She wept! not that she must resign the prospect, but that it should have proved a temptation to her; and seizing a sheet of paper, she hastily wrote the answer which should decide this point as she hoped forever.
“Again, and I trust for the last time, let me say, I thank you for your good wishes, but my plans, my intentions are unchanged. I deeply regret having been the cause of so much disappointment to you. Our duties henceforth must keep a separate path. Mine is too clear to be mistaken; nor am I making any sacrifice in my resolution; my wishes, my hopes of peace and happiness all point to remaining as I am, as clearly as my sense of right, and my convictions of duty. Now will you allow me, as the only return I can make for your attachment and kind wishes, to say one word to you about what your duty is? Is it right for you to throw on me the decision of what it should be? you know, whatever you may say, you can not really make me responsible for what I can not help.