She began to think she was the subject of some spell, destined to be the puppet of one or other of her companions, who seemed continually acting towards her some part which she could not understand. Perhaps they were all trifling with her feelings, or amusing themselves at her expense by giving her encouragement which induced her to enter society decidedly above what was her proper situation.
She tried to shake off this very uncomfortable feeling, but it seemed to have taken fast hold of her mind, and her hitherto animated countenance became again clouded, her steps were dull, and her whole air exhibited fatigue and depression.
Sir William was evidently watching her closely, and this annoyed her; presently he said again,
"Then after all, she is not so much your friend as I fancied."
Totally forgetful, at the moment, of the subject on which they had just been conversing, Emma started at this address, and looked puzzled without replying.
"I mean," continued he, answering her look, "that I had fancied you were particular friends, and I wished to hear your opinion of her—of Miss Osborne."
"My opinion, I assure you, would not be worth giving, Sir William; but I will inform you though I cannot presume to call myself her friend, I have received very great attention from Miss Osborne, which has naturally prepossessed me in her favor; and what I have seen of her gives me such an opinion of her, that if our situations in life had made us equal, I dare say our acquaintance might have grown into friendship."
This assurance apparently satisfied Sir William, as he dropped the subject of Miss Osborne, and started off on a lively dissertation on the nature of friendship, which amused Emma as long as she had strength for the dance or attention to bestow on him. Her weariness however had increased so much that she at last gave up, and was glad to rest in a corner, before she had completed the allotted two dances. Here she was discovered by Miss Osborne, who moved to compassion by her weary looks, or influenced perhaps by some other unacknowledged motive, was persuaded, after a faint opposition, to allow her to retire to rest.
And so ended Emma's enjoyments of the ball at Osborne Castle; it had certainly been productive of little pleasure, and had cost her a handsome dress; yet upon the whole she found herself regretting less the actual injury inflicted on her than the unrealized pleasure which her imagination had promised.
She was convinced, on reflection, that this dissatisfaction must spring from some fault in her own mind; had her feelings been under proper regulation, she would have entered with contentment or satisfaction into the amusement before her, instead of worrying and wearying her spirit in wishes for what was withheld. Her partiality for Mr. Howard was the origin of all this; and if this incipient partiality already produced her so much discontent and evil feeling, it became her to check it at once, and vigorously, lest she should find herself deprived of her peace of mind, before she was aware that she had gone astray.