"Very likely; her ladyship is the greatest gossip in existence, and has a regular supply of the town news and scandal, extracted from the butcher and baker, by her own maid, for her own private amusement."
"But if the story has travelled so far, how much farther may it not spread—I shall lose my character altogether, and with it all chance of earning an independent livelihood, and what will become of me?"
Her lip quivered, tears burst from her eyes, and her whole frame was visibly agitated, to such a degree, that Mr. Bridge feared a fit of hysterics would ensue. Emma, however, made a determined effort to conquer her emotion, and after two or three minutes, succeeded so far as to resume an air of calmness, though it was some time before she could speak again.
"My dear girl," said the clergyman, compassionately, "you must not give way to despondency—remember from whence your trials come, and you will become calmer and stronger in the contemplation. You do not seem to me at all to blame in what has passed, and whilst your conscience is clear, you need never despair that your path will be made clear likewise."
"It is not only the present difficulty which weighs on my mind at this moment," replied Emma, trying to speak calmly; "but there are times when all I have lost comes back to my memory, and seems quite to overpower me. My earliest friends lost to me, and with them the happy home where I had enjoyed every indulgence, and every pleasure that affection could procure. Then just as I began to accustom myself to my new home, and learnt to value the affection and society of my only parent, that likewise is torn from me, and whilst I am deprived of parent and fortune, and become dependent on my own exertions, I find myself robbed, I know not how, even of my good name, and my prospects blighted in the most mysterious manner. It seems in vain to struggle against such a complication of evils; what can I expect but to sink into contempt and disgrace?"
"I admit the greatness of the losses you have sustained," said he; "I cannot deny that it may be hard to bear; but you have still some blessings left for which you may be thankful. You possess a healthy constitution, a sound intellect, and a conscience unoppressed by a sense of guilt. You might have lost your heart, as well as your fortune, and that you tell me is not the case."
Emma looked down, and tried to appear quite careless and unconcerned; but she could not feel quite convinced that she did enjoy the degree of heart's ease, which Mr. Bridge seemed to imagine. An image of Mr. Howard flitted across her mind, and she felt that whilst enumerating her peculiar afflictions, she had omitted one which pressed almost as deeply as any. She blushed deeply, and could not raise her eyes; he watched her countenance, and then added, presently—
"What do you mean to do now—have you formed any plan?"
"None at all," replied she; "I feel I cannot—my head is all in confusion, and I can hardly think connectedly."
She pressed her hand on her forehead as she spoke; he saw she was looking extremely ill, and feared her mind was over excited.