I can well remember Nellie Stewart's father engaging rooms for himself and his two daughters. After all those bygone years I saw Nellie Stewart the other day looking so young. Maggie Moore was staying there, too. She was Mrs. Williamson then. There was plenty of delight and excitement everywhere, and no restrictions were placed on my movements. I came in contact with and was on speaking terms with many congenial people, and was removed from the miserable sufferings which had made up my life just previously. But all the amusements, to which I had a free "entree," could not make up for the human fellowship which was snatched from me.
My courage would sink when I saw my husband and his friend coming along from the Post-Office in King William-street. They would be laughing and looking so gay. Then my mind would go back to the time, unspoiled by pain, which he and I had together. Surely when I married John S. O. Allen it never occurred to me that it would be a union with one who would in no way help me onward. He devoted himself to his relative, but this did not lessen the pain that such a factor should have come to another person's houses and sow discord. If I had found out in time I would not have been in South Australia when they came. I was deprived of all now, when I wanted companionship most; and from his point of view everything I did was simply detestable. I could do nothing to please him. He would tell me so with a sneer. My future was all a blank. I learned from a conversation between my master and mistress that they would like to sell over the goodwill of the Clarence Hotel. There was again the inevitable. I did not mind much, because I was brought up in the midst of real privations, such as affected myself only. But I could not ignore the scandal or forget that the world might imagine that I had been very busy weaving nets, and that I had caught myself in them, as was sometimes told me. It was no easy matter to go out and in, and to hear and see so much humiliation. I remained at the Clarence till my employer sold the business.
I was sorry, for it was peopled with kindly human beings, whom I knew well and could mix with, even to the maids. When I went there first, as they told me afterwards, they had made up their minds not to like me. As I was the first housekeeper to take charge over them they looked on my coming with annoyance, but, anyhow, I felt confident that I would do what was right for all, and I had, in various ways, seen to their comfort, both in regard to their meals and their bedrooms. I was grateful to those waiting men and maids when I saw how pleased they were to help me in any emergency. The lady, when well, was very fond of going out. I could not object to that, although I had no time for much outing, but I had to go. I went everywhere with her. They had a private house at Norwood. A man and wife lived there as caretakers, and all the hotel washing was done there. I was always glad to go there, the garden being a consideration. We drove about, too, wherever the lady wished. I never before had such times. What with the theatre, and one thing and another no one would think that I was a discarded wife. I had tried hard not to be crushed, and faced my loss, only there was the discontent left, and, so far, all effort to forget was of no use at all.
At last the valuation of the hotel was set about and the people who came in did not require a housekeeper. My employers went to their house at Norwood. I knew it would take all my courage to endure what was before me, with no scrap of human kindness to help me. My only desire was to find some hiding-place, where I would not hear the ceaseless "Poor Mrs. Allen" spoken, as I heard it that day. Forlorn in spirit, I went to Port Adelaide. A lady and gentleman whom I knew had taken the management of a new club there. I thought if I could get a place till I could find a ship that would take me away, I would be glad to do anything till then. Life seemed no worse than at other times. I did not sit down and pity myself. It was others with their pity that I did not want. My early experience gave me the possibility of bearing real pressure, and I knew what it was to be homeless. I am telling my story in my own way.
I went with the people I mentioned. They were kindness itself. They were only newly married and did not understand housekeeping. I worked henceforward with but one object in view, though it was long before I realised it. At last the opportunity came to go as stewardess on a sailing vessel. I would have liked better if I could have had the chance to go on a steamboat. The ship I went in was the South Australian and she was under the command of Captain Bruce.
I remembered who I was, and what I was, and why I was on board that ship. It was a conundrum. I was not on pleasure bent and did not know where I was going. The ship looked as if bound on an excursion, Captain Bruce being a favorite with those who went sea voyages. He had on board his wife and baby daughter, and a maid. The doctor was also a married man and was accompanied by his wife, a little baby, and a maid also. Such a number of people whom I knew were on board. All on one side of the "saloon" was occupied by Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Goode and their family. Amongst the other pleasing people on board were the Rev. Charles Clark. He went as far as South Africa. Mr. R. S. Smythe was a traveller, too. It was January 8 when they started and a fine morning, but when a strong wind and a rough sea caught the sails I had plenty to do.
I RETURN TO SCOTLAND.
It was no hardship for me to be on the ocean, but for one thing there was not much scope for recollection of my troubles for the first few days. Little by little I began to feel the goodwill of the people on board. What pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Harris, from Prospect, showed in being kind to me who had so little to make life worth living. I got to know Mr. and Mrs. Harris very soon after I came to South Australia, when the future for me looked bright and sunny. I dared not cast a glance into the future at times. The ship was so crowded that I had to sleep in what was known as the deckhouse, and so did the doctor's maid. As the South Australian steadily surged along there were many notes of mirth and laughter, and they were loudest wherever the Rev. Charles Clark happened to be. When it was nice and calm all would be invited to the poop, where Mr. Clark would read and recite to us from Charles Dickens and others. Then there were other amusements, such as concerts and theatricals. I was under no restraint in the ship, but went about all over it.
There was a tiny boy put on board just before we sailed. He was to be given to his relatives when the ship reached London, but nobody seemed to have any particular charge of the wee laddie, and I liked to know that he was in bed every night before I went myself. He would get away in the forecastle with the sailors, and I was frightened when I saw him up in the rigging ever so high. I made little caps for him and mended his clothes. Some of the ladies taught me some fancy work, and I taught them how to knit stockings. I was asked by one lady if I would go on to the Continent with them. This was opportune and the one thing I wished, while I had plenty of time to think the matter over before we got to London, if I could only decide what to do.