Miss Herschel describes herself as having fallen into “a kind of stupefaction,” which lasted for many weeks after the loss of her father, and the awakening to life had little of hope in the present or promise for the future, so far as she could see then. At the age of seventeen she had learned little beyond the first elements of education, and she was now deprived of the one friend who encouraged and sympathised with her desire for better instruction. The parents had never agreed on the subject. “When I had left school,” she writes,
1767. Early Recollections.
“My father wished to give me something like a polished education, but my mother was particularly determined that it should be a rough, but at the same time a useful one; and nothing farther she thought was necessary but to send me two or three months to a sempstress to be taught to make household linen. Having added this accomplishment to my former ingenuities, I never afterwards could find leisure for thinking of anything but to contrive and make for the family in all imaginable forms whatever was wanting, and thus I learned to make bags and sword-knots long before I knew how to make caps and furbelows.... My mother would not consent to my being taught French, and my brother Dietrich was even denied a dancing-master, because she would not permit my learning along with him, though the entrance had been paid for us both; so all my father could do for me was to indulge me (and please himself) sometimes with a short lesson on the violin, when my mother was either in good humour or out of the way. Though I have often felt myself exceedingly at a loss for the want of those few accomplishments of which I was thus, by an erroneous though well-meant opinion of my mother, deprived, I could not help thinking but that she had cause for wishing me not to know more than was necessary for being useful in the family; for it was her certain belief that my brother William would have returned to his country, and my eldest brother not have looked so high, if they had had a little less learning.
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But sometimes I found it scarcely possible to get through with the work required, and felt very unhappy that no time at all was left for improving myself in music or fancy-work, in which I had an opportunity of receiving some instruction from an ingenious young woman whose parents lived in the same house with us. But the time wanted for spending a few hours together could only be obtained by our meeting at daybreak, because by the time of the family’s rising at seven, I was obliged to be at my daily business. But during the summer months of 1766 very few mornings passed without our spending a few hours together, to which I was called by my friend’s loud cough at her window by way of notice that she was ready for me [she could not sleep, and was glad of my company. I lost her soon after, for she died of consumption]. Though I had neither time nor means for producing anything immediately either for show or use, I was content with keeping samples of all possible patterns in needlework, beads, bugles, horsehair, &c., for I could not help feeling troubled sometimes about my future destiny; yet I could not bear the idea of being turned into an Abigail or housemaid, and thought that with the above and such like acquirements with a little notion of Music, I might obtain a place as governess in some family where the want of a knowledge of French would be no objection.”
It was with the same object of fitting herself to earn her bread, that, after her father’s death, she obtained permission to go for a month or two to learn millinery and dress-making; her eldest brother Jacob, before leaving them to join William at Bath, having graciously given his consent, “if it was only meant to learn to make my own things, but positively forbidding it for any other purpose.” The following account of this episode shows how customary such apprenticeship was among young ladies of good family, as a part of their education:—
1768. Early Recollections.
“My mother found some difficulty in persuading the lady to whom I wished to go, to receive me without paying the usual premium, but at last she gave me leave to come on paying one thaler per month. I felt myself rather humbled on going the first time among twenty-one young people with an elegant woman, Madame Küster, at their head, directing them in various works of finery. Among the group were several young ladies of genteel families, and as I came there on rather reduced terms, I expected that I should be kept in the back ground, doing nothing but the plain work of the business; but contrary to my fears, I gained in the school-mistress a valuable friend.... Here I found myself daily happy for a few hours, and one of the young women,[[3]] after a lapse of thirty-five years, when I was introduced to her at the Queen’s Lodge, received me as an old acquaintance, though I could but just remember having sometimes exchanged a nod and smile with a sweet little girl about ten or eleven years old. But I soon was sensible of having found what hitherto I had looked for in vain—a sincere and disinterested friend to whom I might have applied for counsel and comfort in my deserted situation.”
A proposal from Jacob that Dietrich, whom the father on his deathbed had specially commended to his care, should be sent to England, caused his mother the utmost distress, on account of his being still too young to be confirmed; but her scruples were overcome and Dietrich was despatched in the summer as soon as a fitting escort could be found.
“But what was yet more aggravating was, that the loss of his company was supplied by a country cousin whom my mother permitted to spend the summer with us in order to have the advantage of my mother’s advice in making preparation for her marriage.... This young woman, full of good-nature and ignorance, grew unfortunately so fond of me that she was for ever at my side, and by that means I lost what little interval of leisure I might then have had for reading, practising the violin, &c., entirely. Besides this, I was extremely discomposed at seeing Alexander associating with young men who led him into all manner of expensive pleasures which involved him in debts for the hire of horses and carioles, &c., and I was (though he knew my inability of helping him) made a partaker in his fears that these scrapes should come to the knowledge of our mother.