“At last I grew tired of idle prosperity; I sighed for novelty to relieve me from the burden of time; and I sometimes felt that I had a mind capable of more than had hitherto occupied it. Having gone with some of my friends to shoot on my mother’s property of Strath-morton, I was attacked by a feverish and tedious cold; and as my gay associates left me when I could no longer join in their pursuits, I had abundant leisure for reflection. The good-natured old steward was my principal visiter, and his conversation generally turned on the miseries of not having a resident master at Strath-morton; for my father and mother always resided at their place in Sussex; and a poor tenantry and impoverished land were of course the effect. This led me to think of my insignificant life. I began to wish for the variety of being useful; and at last I determined to become an active country-gentleman, in order to become of consequence, as well as for the pleasure of having a new object. The motives were undoubtedly erroneous; but I tell them, sir, in order to shew you the progress of my mind.
“I readily obtained my father’s permission to make Strath-morton my abode; and with his sanction, I entered on my new life as soon as it was possible to make my arrangements. The novelty alone could at first have made me endure it; but I found a sort of pleasure that seemed extraordinary at the time; and in the course of a few months I had, with the natural energy of my character, quite devoted myself to my new occupations. My mother was gratified to see me interested in the place that was to become mine; and full powers were given me to thin the ancient woods, to make whatever changes I pleased, and to lay out money to a considerable amount in improving the estate, which had been much neglected. By degrees, the increase of knowledge, and the encouragement of a little success, made these employments become less irksome; and I began to feel a real interest for the tenants and labourers. I found that I could easily promote their comfort; I felt that I was of consequence, and I began to enjoy all the pleasures of assisting the industrious.
“I had been attached to a young lady whom I had known in London only. I knew that, though fashionable, she was well principled, clever, and literary, and I imagined that I was equally well acquainted with all her tastes. We married: I expected her to be perfect; and when I brought her early in the summer to Strath-morton, I anticipated the delight of having a companion to sympathize with, and to assist me in the plans to which I had devoted myself. Judge then of my disappointment at finding, that she had no taste for a real country life, and disliked its monotonous occupations. For some time, however, we lived happily, till I lost my kind, indulgent father, who was succeeded in his honours and estates by my brother; and as I perceived that my expensive improvements could not well be continued, now that I had no longer my father’s wealth to support them, I took that opportunity to indulge my wife in a visit to the continent.
“On our return to England, my mother was apparently in health, but in a few weeks she was suddenly seized with a severe illness, and died before she could collect her thoughts sufficiently to arrange her affairs. Forgetful of the uncertainty of life, she had made no will; and her estate, which I had long considered as my own, was inherited by my brother as heir at law.
“What was now to become of us? My father, anxious to preserve the wealth of the head of the family, and knowing that Strath-morton was to be mine, had left me but a very small property; and as my brother was not sufficiently convinced of what had been my mother’s intentions, he retained her estate.—My wife’s fortune had been small.—In short, we were suddenly reduced from the thoughtlessness of affluence, to absolute poverty. I might, perhaps, have obtained some employment, which would have just enabled us to live; but I was not much inclined to take up my abode in London, in so different a style from that in which I had always appeared there. Vanity and pride survive all the other passions—and my country life had rather increased than subdued them. However, though painful to me to return to London, I determined to do so, if my wife approved; and I left all to her decision; I knew she did not love the country, and I anticipated that her sentence would be some hard-working office for the rest of my life.
“But I little knew the soundness of my wife’s judgment, and her generous forgetfulness of self. Her decision was soon made; ‘In our circumstances,’ she said, ‘and for our children’s sake, a laborious country life will be vastly preferable to the confined, and not less laborious, situation of a clerk, or some such thing in town; we can more easily submit to deprivations, and shall be better able to support and assist each other’s toils.’ I reminded her that she disliked the country—‘Oh,’ said she, ‘think no more of those fancies; it is on ourselves alone, and not on the gratifications of either town or country that our happiness must now depend. Let us take a small farm—let us be really farmers.—You will be able to apply the agricultural knowledge you have acquired; and I will not neglect my part. Our children must be bred up usefully—they will not be accomplished—but what does that signify?—they will be our real comforts, and we can teach them real virtues.
We’ll form their minds, with studious care,
To all that’s manly, good, and fair.
“I gladly consented, and was so fortunate as to procure this farm at a reasonable rent, and with a comfortable cottage. My creditors saw that my intentions towards them were honourable; and satisfied with the assignment of my little patrimony, they insisted on my retaining my books, and such furniture as could be useful. We soon removed; and firmly resolved to submit to any distress, however abject, rather than get into debt. I may now acknowledge that our distress was sometimes severe, while learning the little details of economy. The art of good management, if not acquired in youth, can only be gained by bitter experience. You will perceive, then, that I became a real hard-working, drudging farmer; and you will wonder, probably, how we could get on, when I had such an ignorant wife.—My dear sir, I cannot do her sufficient justice—I cannot describe the strength of mind with which she cheerfully submitted to the change of life, nor the energy with which she sought the common knowledge requisite for our situation. She had proposed this life of labour, and she almost seemed to enjoy it, and to find a pleasure in her continual exertions. For some years we could only have one servant, a poor hard-working, willing creature, who, though doing her best, could not do half that was necessary for our family. But this best of wives, instead of unreasonably expecting every thing from one poor slave, as I might almost call her, worked hard herself. She who had been used to late hours, and luxurious ease, was up at six every morning, to superintend her little household, and to make with her own hands most of the preparations for our meals. She was the same in every thing, and never uttered a complaint.
“Oh! how often in these years of distress, when every shilling we could spare was devoted to discharging old debts—did I think of the sums I had lavished in my days of gaiety—on useless trifles—those trifles that are well named ‘’tis buts’—on dress—on all those indulgences of appetite which leave no pleasure behind; and the taste for which I can distinctly trace back to the habits of petty self-indulgence permitted at our great schools.
“The first winter of our residence here was one of such hardship, that I trembled for my wife’s health; but Providence graciously supported her. It was at that time that a circumstance occurred, which I think will interest you. We had an infant, of a few months old, who suffered much, by the anxiety that my wife, who was nursing it, secretly felt,—the poor babe sunk.—Its decline was rapid; and before we were aware of the danger, we found that it was actually dying. It was on a dreadful evening of snow and storm, that we sat watching over our expiring babe. One candle lighted our little room, and, cold as the weather was, we could only afford a small fire; my three elder children were gathered close round it; and one began so mildly, but urgently, to ask for her supper,—that a piece of bread was given to her. We heard a violent knocking at the door, and the maid having opened it before I could go myself, two men rudely pushed by her, and forced their way into the room where we sat.—You may imagine the indignation and horror I felt at such an intrusion, and at such a moment.—I asked, as calmly as I could, their business, and one of them said—‘Our business, sir, is to demand assistance;—you may call it charity if you like, but as we are driven by want of work to starve, we must take by force what is not willingly given to us; my children have not a crust to eat, and I am resolved to procure something for them; this is the first time we have ever attempted to get by force what we would willingly earn by our labour.’