“You cannot. It is impossible,” he said hastily.
“Has it not something to do with my cousin Geneviève?” asked Cicely quietly.
“Certainly not,” he replied promptly. “Not directly, that is to say. She certainly helped me to find it out—for which I suppose I should be very much obliged to her—” he gave a bitter little laugh; “but in no other way has she anything to do with my wish to go away.”
“I thought you admired her so much,” said Cicely.
“So I do. I think she is marvellously pretty and charming, and I dare say she is very amiable and sweet-tempered.”
“Yes, that is what you said of her before. Indeed you almost spoke as if she were—as if she realised your ideal woman,” said Cicely with an attempt at playfulness.
But Mr. Guildford did not smile.
“You have a good memory, Miss Methvyn,” he said rather coldly. “If you remember so much, don’t you remember a little more? By what you call my ideal woman, you mean the sort of woman I should choose for a wife; don’t you? But I have had a higher ideal woman—a woman whom I would choose for a friend—don’t you remember my telling you that?”
“Yes,” said Cicely with interest. “I remember. But what about it?”
“I have made a mistake—that’s all.” said the young man drearily. “I have thought I was wiser than other men, and I find I am a greater fool than any man I ever knew. My theories are all smashed. In plain words, Miss Methvyn, I have come across such a woman as in my wildest dreams I never dreamt of—a woman, whom any man would be honoured by having as a friend, but whose friendship only will not satisfy me. The sort of affection I used to picture myself as giving to a wife—to my ‘ideal wife’ remember—seems to me now like the light of a farthing candle beside that of the midday sun. Good God, what a presumptuous fool I have been! I thought I was so strong, so perfectly able to take care of myself—and see where I am now. At this moment I care for nothing—all my studies, all my hopes seem to have turned to ashes between my teeth—I have only one instinct left—that of flight. Now, Miss Methvyn, will you forgive me?”