Children of Persia

by Mrs. Napier Malcolm

Even when the children grow older their mothers, grown-up children themselves, do not know how to manage them. What do you think of mothers who lose their tempers with their children, and fly at them and bite them? And they are not ashamed of it, and their neighbours do not seem surprised or horrified. One woman bit her little boy’s hand, till it bled badly. He was about seven, and had cried to have his best coat on when he went to see the missionary. Another woman bit the cheek of a poor little consumptive girl of eight or nine, so that there was a great bruise, and the skin was broken. She told a neighbour, with a laugh, that she had got angry with the child because she was tiresome about taking her medicine, which was very nasty.

There is no command in the Quran that girls should be married so young, but the mothers declare that it was the command of Muhammad, and certainly he himself set the example by marrying a girl of nine. So when a mother thinks her girl is getting old enough to marry she begins to look out for a suitable husband, and talks things over with the mother or sister of any man she thinks likely. The man’s mother is allowed to see the girl, but not the man himself, so you see even the men cannot choose their own wives. Then the money matters are arranged. It is settled how much the girl’s father will give her, and how much her husband will settle on her, and there is often a great deal of haggling over this.

If a girl has a cousin who is the son of her father’s brother, he is considered the most appropriate husband for her, and it is considered an act of merit for him to marry her.

If a girl has a large dowry she can generally get a good husband as husbands go out there. If she is poor she has more difficulty, but a capable, industrious girl may do fairly well. But a penniless girl with nothing to recommend her fares badly indeed. When her mother fails to get any husband who is at all desirable instead of letting her girl remain single, she marries her to a madman or a drunkard or a deformed man, or someone utterly undesirable.

The engagement is celebrated by a formal sweet-eating to which the friends on both sides are invited.

The bride and her family prepare her trousseau, and she also has to make a complete suit of clothes for the bridegroom. In one town now it is customary for every well-to-do bride to have one European dress in her trousseau, and for her father to give her a table and chairs.

The wedding itself is a great affair, lasting a week, if the bride’s father can afford it, but only a day or part of a day in the case of poor people. The little bride in her finest clothes, of which she is very proud, looks very disconsolate and cries a great deal. No doubt the tears are sometimes genuine enough, for the child is leaving her home and going to people she knows little of, but even if she feels inclined to laugh and smile she must not do anything so improper.

After the wedding she must not leave her husband’s house for a year, but she may receive visitors.

As we have seen the marriage and wedding are arranged by the women, but generally the bridegroom has more say in the matter than one young man I knew. He had been engaged for some time, and on going home from work one evening found his wedding prepared without his having been consulted, and had to be married then and there. He was fond of children, and quickly won the heart of his little wife, who cried when he had to go back to his work.

We do sometimes find happy family parties in Persia, the husbands treating their wives with consideration, and the wives being very fond of their husbands. One old lady told me, with tears in her eyes, how good her husband always was to her, and how he always got up and made a cup of tea for her in the morning if she was not well. But this is the exception and not the rule. There does not generally seem to be any great affection between husband and wife. The husband expects implicit obedience from his wife, and is prepared to enforce it. On the other hand she has certain privileges. She generally has the best courtyard in the house, to which no men are admitted but near relations, and the smaller courtyard is given up to her husband to receive his guests in.