I had stolen a shilling—conscience showed me that very plainly now. It had not seemed at all like that the night before, when I was first tempted to take it; but now that the deed was done, I saw it in its true light. But Satan often treats us in that way. He wants us to sin, but he covers the sin over with a pretty covering, and tries to persuade us that he is asking us to do a very harmless thing. But when once we have done it, he takes off the covering, and we see the sin in all its ugliness. And Satan does not mind that; for once done, the deed cannot be undone.
And so for a few days I was very wretched and miserable. But as time went by, and no one said anything about the bill, but all went on just as usual, I began to forget what I had done—at least, it did not trouble me so much. I had my lessons to learn, and Salome to take care of, and plenty of things to take up my time and thoughts. Perhaps after all I had not done such a very wicked thing, I said to myself. Anyhow, I should never hear of the matter again, and what was past could not be undone.
So I argued with my conscience; but at night, if I ever happened to wake when the others were asleep, my conscience was sure to wake too, and would not be so easily silenced.
It is dreadful to have a secret sin, which will come to your mind in the dark hours; it is very terrible to have to fight away an uneasy, troubled thought, to have to drown the voice of an accusing conscience.
Yet each week the sin seemed further away, the thought of it came less into my mind, and the voice of conscience was less loud. At length the time came when it hardly ever entered my mind, and conscience was quite silent.
But all the time my sin was written down in two books, God's book and my book—the book of God's remembrance, and the book of my remembrance. God had not forgotten it, and the day was coming when He would remind me of it. I had not really forgotten it, and the day was coming when it would be brought before me as clearly as on the very night it was committed.
And that day, too, was Salome's birthday.
