At this point Law got up with excitement, and began walking up and down the room. “That is all very well,” he said. “Mr. Ashford, what is the use of deceiving ourselves? I shall never get into any of these. I’ve come to ask your advice once for all. I give up the books; I could only waste more time, and I’ve wasted too much already. It has come to this: I’ll emigrate or I’ll ’list. I don’t see how I’m to do that even, for I’ve no money—not enough to take me to London, let alone Australia. Why shouldn’t I do the other? It’s good enough; if there was a war it would be good enough. Even garrison duty I shouldn’t mind. It wouldn’t hurt my pride,” the lad said with a sudden flush of colour that belied his words; “and I might go away from here, so that it would not hurt her. That’s all, Mr. Ashford,” he said with suppressed feeling. “Only her—she’s the only one that cares; and if I went away from here she would never know.”
“Has anything happened to drive you to a decision at once? Is there anything new—anything——?”
“There is always something new,” said Law. “That woman has been to—to the only place I ever cared to go—to shut the door against me. They were her own friends too—at least people as good as—a great deal better than she. She has been there to bully them on my account, to say they are not to have me. Do you think I’ll stand that? What has she to do with me?”
“It must be a great deal worse for your sister, Law.”
“Well, isn’t that what I say? Do you think I can stand by and see Lottie bullied? Once she drove her out of the house. By Jove, if Lottie hadn’t come home I’d have killed her. I shouldn’t have stopped to think; I should have killed her,” said Law, whose own wrong had made him desperate. “Do you think I can stand by and see Lottie bullied by that woman? She’s brought it partly upon herself. She was too hard in the house with her management both upon the governor and me. She meant it well, but she was too hard. But still she’s Lottie, and I can’t see her put upon. Do you think I am made of stone,” cried Law indignantly, “or something worse than stone?”
“But if you were in Australia what better would she be? There you would certainly be of no use to her.”
Law was momentarily staggered, but he recovered himself. “She would know I was doing for myself,” he said, “which might mean something for her, too, in time. I might send for her. At least,” said the lad, “she would not have me on her hands; she would only have herself to think of; and if she got on in her singing—the fact is, I can’t stand it, and one way or other I must get away.”
“What would you do if you were in Australia, Law?”
“Hang it all!” said the young man, tears of vexation and despite starting to his eyes, “a fellow must be good for something somewhere. You can’t be useless all round; I’m strong enough. And here’s one thing I’ve found out,” Law added with a laugh: “it doesn’t go against your pride to do things in the Colonies which you durstn’t do here. You can do—whatever you can do out there. It doesn’t matter being a gentleman. A gentleman can drive a cart or carry a load in Australia. That is the kind of place for me. I’d do whatever turned up.”
Said Mr. Ashford suddenly, “I know a man out there——” and then he paused. “Law, what would your sister do? There would be no one to stand by her. Even you, you have not much in your power, but you are always some one. You can give her a little sympathy. Even to feel that there are two of you must be something.”