CHAPTER VI
AN IDEAL MILITARY SECRETARY
Dignity and Humour—Some Tests of Both—Affection of the Natives for Lord William—How They Tried to Please him—What Happened on a Slippery Floor—Some Tableaux—A Supper and a Race—What the Jockey Club Would Have Said—Lord Ripon’s Message to the Amir of Afghanistan—The Amir’s Reply—The Work of the Military Secretary—Swelled Heads and Outgrown Shoes—How Lord William Dealt with Them—Pay of Military Secretary—Compensation for Diminishing Rupee—No Fish to Fry
Those who knew Lord William will think I have passed over a very marked feature in his life, namely, his smartness at repartee and his endless jokes. I have forgotten neither, nor have I ceased to be grateful for the way he succeeded in brightening up the dullest parties; he carried sunshine and merriment with him wherever he went, and it was infectious. No matter how awkward a position he might find himself in, he always came out gracefully and smiling.
I feel that to repeat Lord William’s jokes, is to rob them of their atmosphere and merit. Jokes are individual things, and require such delicate handling, they must have their own surroundings and atmosphere; it is so easy to rob them of their bloom or kill them altogether.
Lord William was one of those rare people who found it possible to be serious in a funny way, which was no doubt an asset, though at times disconcerting for other people, as will be seen from the following narrative:
When on tour the Viceroy and Vice-reine held receptions answering to drawing-rooms in England, so that all the local people could come and make bows and curtseys to the representatives of the English Court. On one of these occasions a fat Irish lady, having made her obeisance, thought she would like to watch the rest of the show, so she and her daughters either stayed in the throne room, or returned to it, ranging up opposite the viceregal party, and began making audible comments.
This could not be allowed, and Lord William most politely told her to “Move on,” though I am sure he did it in a way that made it appear he was conferring a great favour, and with one of his most winning smiles. The lady did not move an inch, but stood her ground.
“Then, Ma’am,” said Lord William with another seductive smile and with the broadest of brogues put on for the purpose, “you’ll have to pardon me if I put my arm round your waist.” The lady, seeing that, whether she liked it or not, from the throne room she was going and thinking discretion the greater part of valour, “moved on” without the pressure of Lord William’s arm. I was not present on this occasion, so tell the tale as it was told to me.