As the end was fast approaching, she one day said: “I want to tell you now, Sister Stenhouse, what I spoke of before, if you are willing to listen and will not be angry with anything I say. Remember, I am dying, or I never would speak to you as I am going to.”
I told her of my great love for her, and that nothing that she could say would change that love.
“You do not know what I want to ask you, or you would not say so,” she replied; “and I so dread to lose your love that I am afraid to tell you what is in my mind. But you know that I am dying, and you will not be very hard with me.”
She was then silent for some time, as if too much fatigued to continue the conversation. “No, I cannot tell you to-day,” she said at last; “I want you to love me one day longer.”
I urged her not to doubt that my love towards her could never change, and told her that it was better for her to speak at once and relieve her mind. She took my hand, and looked long and tenderly at me, and then she said: “I will tell you all; and if your love can stand that test, then indeed you do love me.”
I encouraged her, and she began: “Would you hate me if I told you that I loved your husband?”
“No,” I replied, “I would not hate you, Carrie.” I said no more, for it seemed to me that it would be wrong of me to tell her of my suspicions, and all that I had suffered at the thought that my husband had conceived an affection for her.
“Can you possibly answer me as calmly as that?” she said. “I thought that the very mention of such a thing would almost kill you, for I saw how much you loved your husband, and, ah! how I have suffered at the thought of telling you! But that is not all I wanted to say, or I need never have spoken to you at all. I wanted to ask you to do me one last kindness, and then I think I shall die happy. You know that we have been taught that Polygamy is absolutely necessary to salvation, and if I were to die without being sealed to some man I could not possibly enter the celestial kingdom. My friends wished me to be sealed to one of the authorities of the Church, but I cannot bear the idea of being sealed to a man whom I do not love. I love your husband, and I want you to promise that I shall be sealed to him. If I had thought that I should recover, I never would have let you know this, for I would not live to give you sorrow. But, when I am gone, will you kneel by your husband’s side in the Endowment House, and be married to him for me? Will it pain you much to do that for me, Sister Stenhouse?”
I felt so strangely as I listened to all this, that I could not utter a single word, and she continued: “We shall then be together in eternity, and I am happy at the thought of that, for I think I love you even better than I love him. And then I believe we shall have overcome all our earthly feelings and shall be prepared to live that celestial law, and perhaps we may prefer it, for no doubt we shall know no unhappiness there.”
The exertion of talking seemed to be too much for her, and she remained silent for some time. I felt ashamed that I had allowed my feelings to influence me at such a moment, for while she had been speaking I had allowed my thoughts to travel back over the past year; and now that she admitted her love for my husband, very many circumstances came painfully to my recollection and confirmed all that she said. I resolved, however, not to question her, but to allow her to tell me just what she pleased. So I knelt down by her side and whispered into her ear a solemn promise that I would do all that she desired. Poor girl! how I felt for her! When I had given her this pledge, she appeared much relieved and told me freely all that had passed between my husband and herself, and she said she had left my house simply because she could not endure to cause me any sorrow. I told her of my husband’s contemplated marriage with Belinda Pratt, and she appeared a good deal troubled at it. “Let me be second,” she said, “for then I shall feel that I am nearer to you, and I want you always to think that, when you die, if I have the power, I shall be the first to meet you and take you by the hand.”