An Englishwoman in Utah: The Story of a Life's Experience in Mormonism

by Mrs. T. B. H. Stenhouse

Besides these there is another lady, a Mrs. Shearer—or, as she is familiarly called—“Aunty Shearer.” She is in every respect a unique specimen of womanhood, tall and angular, with cold yet eager grey eyes; a woman of great volubility, and altogether grim-looking and strong-minded. She was an early disciple, and is said to have sacrificed everything for Mormonism. She lived in Joseph Smith’s family, and, of course, saw and heard a great deal about Polygamy, and at first it was a great stumbling-block to her. She was, however, instructed by the immaculate Joseph, and so far managed to overcome her feelings as to be married to him for eternity. Like the others, she is called “Mrs.,” and I suppose there is a Mr. Shearer somewhere, but upon that point she is very reticent. Her little lonely hut is fitted with innumerable curiosities and little knick-knacks, which some people are for ever hoarding away in the belief that they will come into use some day. She is a woman that one could not easily forget. She wears a muslin cap with a very wide border flapping in the wind under a comical-looking hood, and is easily recognized by her old yellow marten-fur cape and enormous muff: her dress, which is of her own spinning and weaving, is but just wide enough, and its length could never inconvenience her. Add to these personal ornaments a stout pair of brogues, and you will see before you “Aunty Shearer,” one of the Prophet’s spiritual wives.

I may as well explain what is meant by “spiritual” wives and “proxy” wives.

Marriages contracted by the Gentiles, or by Mormons in accordance with Gentile institutions, are not considered binding by the Saints. That was partly the cause of my indignation and the indignation of many another wife and mother. We were told that we had never been married at all, and that our husbands and our children were not lawfully ours: surely that was enough to excite the indignation of any wife, whatever her faith might be. For a marriage to be valid it must be solemnized in the Endowment House in Salt Lake City, or the persons contracting it can never expect to be husband and wife in eternity. Should the husband die before he reaches Zion, and if the wife loves him sufficiently well to wish to be his in eternity—when she arrives in Salt Lake City, if she receives an offer of marriage from one of the brethren, and does not object to him as a second husband in this world, she will make an agreement with him that she will be his wife, for time, but that in eternity she and all her children shall be handed over to the first husband. A woman thus married is called a “proxy” wife.

Now “spiritual” wives are of two classes. The one consists of old ladies who have plenty of money or property which of course needs looking after; and generous Elders marry them, and accordingly “look after” the said property, and the owner of it becomes the Elder’s spiritual wife. She will only be his real wife in eternity when she is rejuvenated.

The other kind of “spiritual” wife is one who is married already, but who does not think that her husband can “exalt” her to so high a position in the celestial world as she deserves—perhaps some kind brother who takes a great interest in her welfare has told her so—she then is secretly “sealed” to one of the brethren who is better able to exalt her—perhaps to this same brother; and in the resurrection she will pass from him who was her husband on earth to him who is to be her husband in heaven—if she has not done so before.

This is what is meant by “proxy” and “spiritual” wives. I think it will be evident even to the dullest comprehension that under such a system, “the world, the flesh, and the devil” are far more likely to play a prominent part than anything heavenly or spiritual.

All this is so repugnant to the instincts and feelings of a true woman, that I feel quite ashamed to write about it. And yet the working out of this system has produced results which would be perfectly grotesque were it not that they outrage every ordinary sense of propriety. Let me give an example. One of the wives of Brigham Young—Mrs. Augustus Cobb Young—a highly educated and intelligent Boston lady with whom I am intimately acquainted, requested of her Prophet husband a favour of a most extraordinary description. She had forsaken her lawful husband and family and a happy and luxurious home to join the Saints, under the impression that Brigham Young would make her his queen in heaven. She was a handsome woman—a woman of many gifts and graces—and Brigham thoroughly appreciated her; but she made a slight miscalculation in respect to the Prophet. He cares little enough for his first wife, poor lady, and few people who know him doubt for a moment that he would un-queen her and cut her adrift for time and eternity too, if his avaricious soul saw the slightest prospect of gain by doing so; he did not care for her, but he never would allow himself to be dictated to by any woman. So when the lady of whom I speak asked him to place her at the head of his household, he refused: she begged hard, but he would not relent. Then finding that she could not be Brigham’s “queen,” and having been taught by the highest Mormon authorities that our Saviour had, and has, many wives, she requested to be “sealed to Him!” Brigham Young told her (for what reason I do not know) that it really was out of his power to do that, but that he would do “the next best thing” for her—he would “seal” her to Joseph Smith. She was sealed to Joseph Smith, and though Brigham still supports her, and she is called by his name on earth, in the resurrection she will leave him and go over to the original Prophet.

The reader will be certainly shocked at this terrible burlesque of sacred things, but I felt it my duty to state the truth and place facts in their right light. It is not generally known that the Mormons are taught that the marriage at Cana of Galilee was Christ’s own nuptial feast, that Mary and Martha were his plural wives, and that those women who in various parts of the New Testament are spoken of as ministering to him stood to him in the same relation.

Malicious first wives, especially if they are rather elderly themselves, frequently call the proxy wives “fixins;” and the tone in which some of them utter the word is in the last degree contemptuous. These poor “fixins” are seldom treated as real wives by the husband himself. He may think sufficiently well of the “proxy” wife to make her his for time and to raise up children to his friend, as the Elders say, but he never forgets that in eternity she will be handed over to the man for whom he has stood proxy, and he expects that she also will bear that in mind, and do all she can for her own support, and never complain of his want of attention to her. Some men, after having married a young proxy wife, have become so enamoured that they grew jealous of the dead husband, and have tried to get the wife to break faith with him, and be married to them for eternity as well as time. This was certainly rather mean. Very few Gentile husbands would fret themselves about possibilities in the world to come, if in this world they had the certainty of enjoying the undivided affections of their wives.

Mormon husbands are so influenced by their religion that they neither act nor think like other men. I am thinking of one wretched family that I knew soon after I went to Utah. There was a man and his wife and four children, all living together in a miserable, poverty-stricken hut. I had heard that the man was paying attentions to a young girl with a view of making her his second wife, and I frequently watched the first wife as she went in and out, doing her “chores,” and wondered how she felt about it. The poverty of the man, of course, was of no consequence; living in the primitive style in which necessity then compelled the Saints to live, one, or even half-a-dozen extra wives made very little difference, and Brigham and the leading Elders have always represented it as a meritorious act, for the young especially, to “build up the kingdom,” without regard to consequences, or the misery of bringing up a family in a destitute condition. I never can see children without loving them, and in this case it was not long before I contrived to make acquaintance with the little ones. One day, while I was talking to them, the mother came out. She seemed pleased to see me, for she had heard of me that I was not too strong in the faith, and she told me that her husband had said, in speaking of such women as myself, who did not like the celestial order of marriage, that their husbands ought to force them right into it, and that would show what they were made of: if they were true-hearted women, seeking their husband’s glory and “exaltation” in the world to come, they would bear it well enough; and if not, the sooner it killed them the better; for if they were dead their husbands could save them in the resurrection, but if they lived they would only be an incumbrance.