An Englishwoman in Utah: The Story of a Life's Experience in Mormonism

by Mrs. T. B. H. Stenhouse

In my unhappy condition, I thought that perhaps I might derive some consolation from the sermons in the Tabernacle—something that might shed a softer light upon my rugged pathway. But instead of obtaining consolation, I heard that which aroused every feeling of my soul to rebellion, and kindled again within me the indignation which I had been so long struggling to conquer. I heard that woman was an inferior being, designed by the Lord for the special glory and exaltation of man, that she was a creature that should feel herself honoured if he would only make her the mother of his children—a creature who if very obedient and faithful through all the trials and tribulations in life, might some day be rewarded by becoming one of her husband’s queens, but should even then shine only by virtue of the reflected light derived from the glory of her spouse and lord. He was to be her “saviour,” for he was all in all to her; and it was through him alone and at his will that she could obtain salvation. We were informed that man was the crowning glory of creation, for whom all things—woman included—were brought into being; and that the chief object of woman’s existence was to help man to his great destiny.

Not a sentence—indeed, not a word—did we ever hear as to the possibility of womanly perfection and exaltation in her own right; and not only so, but, as if this were not enough to crush all ambition out of our souls, we were instructed in some new views of marriage. The great object of marriage, we were told, was the increase of children. Those diviner objects—the companionship of soul, the devotion of a refined and pure affection, the indissoluble union of two existences—were never presented to the yearning hearts of those poor women who listened to the miserable harangues of the Tabernacle: such aspirations had nothing to do with the hard, cruel facts of their life in polygamy.

And this I found was how the women of Utah were spiritually sustained. Seldom, indeed, was taught anything better, but frequently much that was worse. If Nature, asserting its right to a full return of love, should manifest itself, and inspire some of these poor wives to rebel against the lives which they were compelled to lead in polygamy, then it would be said, in the language of the Tabernacle, that the women were “filled with the devil,” and that unless they repented speedily, they would “apostatize and go to hell;”—an assurance which was scarcely necessary, for many of those poor souls were enduring as much as if they were there already. Or if some woman was found objecting to polygamy on account of its crushing and degrading effects upon women generally, then, as I just said, she was told in the coarse language of Brigham Young himself, that “such women had no business to complain; it was quite enough honour for them to be permitted to bear children to God’s holy Priesthood.”

I found, therefore; that the sermons in the Tabernacle were not calculated to help me much spiritually. I had neither friend nor counsellor on earth to whom I could turn for help—my God alone remained to me. But, ah, how different were my ideas of God then, from those which I entertained before and since. Once I could look upon the beauties of nature and the varied experiences of human life, and while my soul was lifted up with devotion and gratitude, I could see the loving hand of my Heavenly Father in everything around me. Now there was neither light nor beauty before my eyes—all was dark and dreary; there was nothing to draw away my heart from such sad thoughts as these. It was painfully clear to my understanding, then as now, that in Mormonism woman was to lose her personal identity. All that Christianity had done to elevate her was to be ruthlessly set aside and trampled under foot, and she was instantly to return to the position which she occupied in the darkest ages of the world’s existence.

I had at that time the daily and hourly cares of a family devolving upon me, and had not therefore much leisure to spend in visiting my friends even if I had desired to do so. Notwithstanding that, however, I had abundant opportunities of observation; and thus my experience of Mormonism and polygamy in Utah is much the same as that of any Mormon woman of ordinary sense; I only tell what others could relate if they had the inclination to do so. It was not possible for me to live in Salt Lake City without being brought face to face with polygamy in some shape or other every day of my life. Had it been otherwise, and if remaining at home would have kept it from my view, I probably never should have had the courage to enter a house where it was practised. To those who know nothing of that degrading system this may seem rather an exaggeration of feeling; and yet, even at that early day, I had seen so much of the folly and weakness of the Mormon brethren, both in London and New York, before we went to Utah, and had witnessed so many evil results of their teachings, that it was with the greatest difficulty that I could control my feelings sufficiently to call upon any family where there was more than one wife. And yet what I knew then was nothing in comparison to what I afterwards witnessed—yes, that I myself endured.

During the winter, although I visited very little, I attended a good many parties at the Social Hall; but I did so more from a wish to be agreeable to my husband than from any pleasure that they afforded me, for life had long since been losing almost all its charms for me. How many times have I gazed wistfully at those lofty mountains which surrounded the city, and felt that they were indeed my prison walls. How bitterly have I realized that I should never be able to go beyond them. But in a new country, with a family to provide for, a mother has not much time to waste in pining, even if it be for liberty itself, and I would willingly draw the veil over that portion of my life.

As my husband had been on mission for so many years and had spent all his time in the service of the Church, with the exception of a few brief months before we left New York—when he was engaged on the staff of the New York Herald—I naturally enough thought that when we reached Zion his occupation would be gone. There would be no need of preaching to the Saints: on the contrary they would be able to teach us; and we should have to find out what we could do in this new country to support ourselves and our children. In this I was not mistaken.

Now among the “absolutely necessary” things which I had brought with me from New York, were about three hundred dollars’ worth of millinery goods, which I had secreted among our other properties, thinking that they would very probably come in useful to the fair daughters of Zion—notwithstanding that the Elders had told me of fiery sermons, delivered by the Prophet himself, condemning all feminine display, and that the sisters would scorn to wear Gentile fashions. I knew my own sex too well to believe that all this was strictly true, and I felt certain that I should find, even among the Saints, some weak sisters who would appreciate my thoughtfulness in bringing such articles for their use. I had also noticed that the American Elders themselves would frequently inquire where they could buy the best gloves and the prettiest ribbons and laces, and that looked a little suspicious.

Quite a number of such articles, therefore, found their way into my list of “absolute necessaries,” and I know that my husband was secretly quite at a loss to know what had become of a certain sum of money which he was aware I had obtained from the sale of some of our things in New York. But my foresight in this instance was very useful to us when we arrived in Zion.

One day when Mr. Stenhouse was absent seeking employment, I thought I would make a display of my treasures and surprise him on his return. Accordingly, with the assistance of our faithful domestic, whom I had brought with me across the Plains, and who had also lived with me in Switzerland, we contrived to place two or three planks in such a way as to make a rough table on which to display the goods. I had been secretly at work for about two weeks, trimming the bonnets and hats, and making a number of head-dresses, such as were worn in New York when we left; and, although we had been three months on the Plains, and quite a month in Utah, yet those bonnets and head-dresses were of the very latest style to the ladies of Salt Lake City.