Still, she sat without movement, rather white, her lips compressed. She did him the justice in her heart to respect him for his honesty. But it made a difference even then; though later it strengthened the reason why, loving her, he had bound himself to silence for a term of probation.
It accounted, too, for his withdrawal from her society since the day he had rescued her and brought her from Cluar. And her secret fear was slain for good. The fear that had haunted her proud spirit that, during her brief unconsciousness, the disarray of her torn dress had betrayed the little "double heart!" That gift of his, carelessly offered, lightly accepted, which had lain, day after day, and night after night, on the faithful living heart beneath...
So at last he came to the end; his strange experience in the train and the doctor's verdict; the second one, that had overthrown its shadowy rival. That bogey was dead for good. Jill breathed a sigh of relief. It was like a page from a Fairy book, the curse some malignant witch had laid.
"So I haven't a double heart at all..." McTaggart smiled wearily, "not even one I can call my own. It's yours, now—what's left of it!"
He stole a glance at the girl before him. Her face was pale; her hands, still clasped, suggested that she held herself, by a strong effort, cool and apart.
"That's what seems so hard," said Jill. "We give ... all to the man we love—and he gives us ... 'what's left.'"
McTaggart was stung by the truth of the words. "Don't!" there was real pain in his voice. "It hurts awfully," he paused. "If only you understood men," he went on miserably—"if you knew...! We're rotters I'll own. Young and old—but until a fellow's really in love it doesn't seem to matter much. It's just ... well, ordinary life. And, Jill——" his eyes were beseeching now—"I think, all the time, it's been really you—though I didn't guess it at the first!
"I've always come back to you—to that dear child's face of yours—those grey eyes..." he stopped, stung by the fear of the years ahead without her.
Jill's dark lashes were lowered now. He tried in vain to probe her thought, to catch some faint sign of hope.
"I've always come back," he said again, "I always shall. It's love this time. It's the woman a man returns to, you know, who holds his heart in her hands. Those other ... affairs were mere passion. I see it now—now it's too late! What a fool I've been...!" his head sank down for a moment on his clenched fists.