“Meanwhile Campbeltoon washed it’s face, put a clove in its mooth, and tried to look as spruce as it could for a place that has mair distilleries than kirks. The Royal veesit was generally regairded as providential, because the supremacy o’ Speyside whiskies over Campbeltoon whiskies o’ recent years wad hae a chance o’ being overcome if his Majesty could be prevailed on to gang through a’ the distilleries and hae a sample frae each o’ them.
“It was to be a gala day, and the bellman went roond the toon orderin’ every loyal ceetizen to put oot a flag, cheer like onything when the King was gaun to the distilleries, and bide inside their hooses when he was comin’ back frae them. But ye’ll no’ believ’t—the yacht passed Campbeltoon!
“The Provost and Magistrates and the hale community was doon on the quay to cairry the Royal pairty shouther-high if necessary, and when they saw the Victoria and Albert—they cheered sae lood they could be heard the length o’ Larne.
“‘Whit’s that?’ said his Majesty.
“‘By the smell o’t I wad say Campbeltoon,’ said his skipper, ‘and that’s mair o’ your Majesty’s subjects, awfu’ interested in your recovery.’
“‘Oh man!’ said the puir King, nearly greetin’, ‘we divna ken whit health is, ony o’ us, till we lose it. Steam as far aff frae the shore as ye can, and it’ll maybe no’ be sae bad.’
“So the yacht ran bye Campbeltoon.
“The folk couldna believe’t at first.
“‘They must hae made a mistake,’ says they; ‘perhaps they didna notice the distillery lums,’ and the polis sergeant birled his whustle by order of the Provost, to ca’ the King’s attention, but it was o’ no avail. A rale divert!
“The yacht went on to Colonsay.