“That was in the grand auld days afore they got genteel. Nooadays, as I’m tellin’ ye, it’s a’ conversashions, and they work aff their speeches on ye wi’ no tea at a’ and no pokes o’ pastry, nor naething. Ye’re no use unless ye hae the lend o’ a dress suit, and your pairtner has to ‘hae pipe-clyed shoon, a muslin frock no’ richt hooked at the neck, her hair put up at Bamber’s, and a cab to tak’ her hame in. It’s naething but the waltzin’. I’m prood to say I never waltzed in a’ my born days, though they say I have the richt kind o’ feet for’t, me bein’ so lang at the waitin’. And a’ they auld classic dances, like La-va and the Guaracha Waltz and Circassian Circle’s oot o’ date \ I havena even seen Petronella for mony a day.
“And the music’s a’ spiled; it’s a’ fancy music they hae noo, wi’ nae tune ye can sing to’t as ye gang up the back or doon the middle. Ye’ll see them yonder wi’ their piano, three fiddles, and a cornet. If I was gaun to hae a cornet I wad hae a cornet and no’ a brass feenisher.
“Ye’ll no’ see ony o’ the dacent auld Clachnacudden folk at their modern reunions; the puir sowls has to bide at hame and gang to their beds early that they may get up in time to mak’ a cup o’ tea for their dochters that was at the conversashion. No; Jinnet and me’s no’ keen on Clachnacudden or onything o’ the kind nooa-days: we wad faur sooner stay at hame and read ‘The Weekly Mail.’”
XVIII MARY ANN
I see frae ‘The News,’” said Erchie, “that Mary Ann’s no’ gaun to see her kizzen on her nicht oot the noo, but has the kitchen table cleared for action wi’ a penny bottle o’ Perth ink and a quire o’ paper to write letters to the editor, telling him and his readers that the country doesna ken her value.
“If ye’re in the habit o’ tryin’ to keep a general, ye canna be shair but at this very meenute she’s doon the stair, wi’ her sleeves rowed up and her fingers a’ Perth Blue Black, paintin’ your wife’s photograph as a slave-driver, and givin’ your hoose a character that would mak’ ye lose your nicht’s sleep if ye kent it. Faith, it’s comin’ to it!
“The servant problem is the only ane that’s railly o’ ony interest to the country, as far as I can mak’ oot frae hearin’ things when I’m either beadlin’, or waitin’ at waddin’-breakfasts. Twa women canna put their heads thegither ower a cup o’ tea withoot gaun ower a list o’ a’ the lassies they’ve had since last November; and the notion ye get is that they change frae place to place that often they must hae motor cairrages.
“Mary Ann sails in with her kist and a fine character frae her last place on Monday at 8 p.m., and aboot ten minutes efter that she’s on the road again. She is the greatest traveller o’ the age; it is estimated by them that kens aboot thae things, that the average domestic, if she keeps her health and gets ony chance at a’, gangs 15,000 miles every three years shifting her situation.