“It is a beautiful world,” she repeated, “and life holds possibilities of joy too. But we are afraid; we hesitate; we haven’t the courage to take our happiness! I don’t know that there is any life but just this one. Why should I starve my nature? Why should I refuse the chance of a great happiness? I don’t say the certainty, you see, but the chance, even! If I don’t take it I shall be forever in a gray land, tortured with the thought that it’s my own fault, my doing, my cowardice, perhaps. If I do—”
“Yes—if you do?” Helen repeated.
“I don’t say we shall not both suffer,” Bridget answered slowly. “I can’t say that. One says contemptuously, ‘Mere prejudice,’ ‘stupid conventions,’ and the rest; but I know enough by experience—of the actual living of a life—to tell me that theories are of no value beside practice. Oh! I know; but I accept the risk.”
“For him too?” Helen murmured.
“No. He must accept or refuse it for himself, as I do for myself,” Bridget replied quickly. “How can one human being accept or refuse a risk for another? We stand, each of us, alone. We have not rushed blindly into this, Helen. He left me absolutely free, to make my own decision. He wouldn’t even see me again for fear he should urge me.” Her voice shook, “Helen, if you only knew what his gentleness and tenderness are to me! I don’t think you can realize it till you have had to endure the other sort of love. Love!—I mean the mere selfish passion.”
The last words were almost inaudible. She held her hands tightly clasped on her lap; but Helen saw they were shaking.
“My dear, I do, I do!” she said tenderly. “Bid, you know I only want your happiness. If this—this will give it to you, then take it. You have thought, you have struggled—and you are Bridget!” she ended, with a burst of proud confidence.
There was a moment’s silence.
“Bid, have you considered,” Helen began again hesitatingly, “that there may be other lives for which you will be responsible? Perhaps you are right about Mr. Carey. You are two grown-up reasonable, beings; you have a right to judge for yourselves. But your children?”
“Yes, I have thought of that,” she said gravely.