In the current language of that country a man who is courting a woman is “playing the bear.” It is so named from the restless walking to and fro of the love-stricken youth in front of the window of his inamorata, in a manner not unlike a captive bear in a cage. The same method pursued in the United States would either result in a man being sent to the lunatic asylum as suffering from a “brain storm” or to the workhouse.
“PLAYING THE BEAR”
A young man who sees a young lady on the street whom he admires, begins by following her home although it may be days or weeks before he will venture to speak to her. Having reached her casa he will begin the hacer el oso, or “playing the bear,” by walking back and forth in front of the house or standing on the street with his eyes fixed upon her windows or balconies for hours at a time, days and nights alike. The young lady, if interested at all, will remain back of the curtain and the slightest movement of the curtains or blinds is a sign that she is not entirely indifferent. After a day or two she may show her face or wave her hand as a further mark of encouragement, and after several days she may appear on the balcony for a few moments. If she goes to church the lover is probably not far behind and an occasional smile or glance from her eyes of midnight is given him as a reward for his faithfulness. Next come daily salutes and smiles when the lover appears. Flowers are sent by the aid of the water-carriers or charcoal-vendors in which notes are concealed. A system of wireless-telegraphy communication is established by means of a fan on one side and a cigarette on the other. This medium of communication has been developed until it has become an elaborate code. Letters become more and more endearing. When the courtship has so far advanced that the lovers will talk, the moonlight nights are all devoted to the love-making and several pairs of lovers can be seen on almost any street by the late home-comer—he on the sidewalk, she at the window. This courtship frequently extends over a period of years and the lover who makes himself so ridiculous sometimes loses the girl then. Jacob’s seven-year probation has many counterparts among the Romeos of Mexico.
A young woman of my acquaintance and her sister recently visited a family in one of the large cities in Mexico. Like all young women they soon became interested in the subject of Mexican courtship and began to sigh for a “bear.” Every time they returned from a trip down town a watch was kept from the window to see if a “bear” followed. At last one of these creatures appeared and began to pace in front of the house with his eyes bent upon the window opening out on the balcony. Contrary to all precedents and to the surprise of the neighbourhood, these women could not resist the temptation to go out on the balcony on this first occasion. This was such marked encouragement that the man came day after day to see las Señoritas Americanas and was still coming when their visit ended.
American women who have married Mexican husbands have found the ideas of the two races so radically opposed that the unions have not been harmonious. Their verdict is that a Mexican man makes an ideal lover because of his delicate attentions and consideration, but an unsatisfactory husband since he does not make his wife a companion and confidante such as an American woman considers her right and privilege.
The individuality of the woman is not so completely merged in that of her husband at marriage as in the United States. The woman retains her own name but adds that of her husband. Miss Mary Smith who marries Mr. John Jones becomes Mrs. Mary Smith de Jones, and she is not called so exclusively by her husband’s name. However, when the Mexican woman is married she accommodates herself to the station in life provided by her husband. The wife usually accepts whatever condition fate has provided for her and bears it with patience and fortitude. They endure the petty ills of life with great cheerfulness. They do not go into society much as custom keeps them from attending mixed assemblages frequently. Their world is generally confined to their home, husband and children. An American woman would sigh for liberty if compelled to live this life. The Mexican woman in America shrinks from the freedom prevalent here and desires the seclusion of her native land. Families are usually large so that home duties require a great deal of attention. The respect and courtesy paid by children to their parents is truly delightful to witness and shows a real goodness of heart in them.
The mother cannot bear to see her family separated. She wants them all to stay close together so that each one can stop in and see her every day. The mothers are loving and tender and idolize their boys. It is regarded as a terrible thing, scarcely to be borne, for their sons to go out into the world as American youths do. To go to a distant city is like being transported to Australia. Even when they remain near home the mothers are very solicitous for fear they will work too hard. On each saint’s day, which is religiously observed, presents are given and an old-fashioned dinner, to which all the cousins, aunts and uncles are invited, is served. In starting on a journey to a not-distant city, the youth must visit all his relatives in the neighbourhood and bid adieu.
It is interesting to notice these traits in an age of growing indifference; but not a little of the lack of progress in Mexico can be attributed to this unwillingness to sever home ties. Many of these young men could do better for themselves away from home but a mother’s pleadings and a mother’s tears keep them at home. Even after marriage they frequently continue to live under the same roof.
The religious element enters very largely into the life of women. Their very names are a constant reminder of their worship. Many of them are christened Mary with one of the attributes of the Virgin or some incident in the life of the Virgin added such as Conception, Annunciation, Sorrows or Assumption. Or there are the attributes such as Mary of the Sorrows, of the Gifts, Miracles, Tears, etc. Religion is sustained by the women and you will seldom see men at the services unless it is some poor Indian. They are very pious in their way and attend to their religious duties with the same interest that they perform their toilet. The concrete symbols and observances of the church have a great influence over them. At mass these pious worshippers always dress in sombre black. They are very particular in training their children in the principles of the Church. Formerly great faith was placed in the healing power of certain shrines and relics but this is now dying out under the advance of modern physicians and their healing remedies. They are still great believers in signs, omens and other supernatural manifestations.