(b) Poor Discipline arising out of a parental notion that love for the child can be shown by gifts in money or kind, or by allowing the child to do what it wants to do. Many of the parents of delinquent children are in that category of people who have been far too indulgent with their children and have been unable to say 'No'. It is a big mistake to suppose that the respect and love of a child will be lost by firm, kindly guidance. The Committee has evidence that a large group of delinquents detained in an institution attributed their situation to the failure of their parents to be firm with them in early life.
(c) Lack of Training for Parenthood: It was somewhat alarming to find that many parents have found the responsibilities of home life too much for them. They had entered into matrimony without having had their attention drawn to the ways in which a home can, and should, be managed.
The duties which one spouse legally owes to the other are fairly well known. Thanks particularly to the efforts of the Plunket Society, great help is available in the rearing and management of babies. But there is a big gap in the knowledge of the art of home-making possessed by many parents. Much of that gap has been filled in by the school, the church, and various youth organizations, but the more these outside agencies do the less inclined are some parents to shoulder their own personal responsibilities. The home should be the place in which all these activities are co-ordinated: they should supplement home training and not subtract from it.
(d) Lack of Responsibility: There was no need for anybody to stress this factor before the Committee—it stood out as a matter of grave concern. Many of the parents of children affected by recent happenings throughout the Dominion showed a deplorable lack of concern for their responsibilities not only to their own children, but to the associates of their children. It is one thing to trust a youth; it is quite another thing for parents to go away for a day of golf or to spend their week-ends away from home leaving the boy to his own devices. It is one thing for Mrs A to give her daughter permission to stay the week-end with Mrs B's daughter, and for Mrs B, to give permission for her daughter to stay the same week-end with Mrs A's daughter. It is quite another thing when neither Mrs A nor Mrs B shows that interest in their daughter which would prevent their being shocked on finding from the police weeks later that the week-end was spent with other adolescents in the house of Mr and Mrs X, while those parents in turn had trusted their son. A simple inquiry by the parents of A, B, or X during or after the week-end could not be resented, and, indeed, children would respect their parents more if such an inquiry were made.
Of lesser import, but still indicative of a lack of awareness of responsibility, is the attitude of parents who give money to their children to go to the pictures in order to get them out of the way without even bothering to look at the programme to see if it is a suitable one for children.
Admittedly, parenthood, if it is not to end in disaster or the fear of disaster, is a great responsibility. It involves a continual struggle against harmful influences from outside. It demands also parental interest in the activities of the children and sometimes a measure of self-denial for the children's sake. Wisdom and experience combine in suggesting to all parents that they should guide their children, and not be governed by them.
Those who read this report might usefully ponder the question whether the ever-increasing way in which responsibilities in character building are being assumed by schools, libraries, clubs, and many other organizations has not made parents less heedful of their own personal responsibilities for the training of their children.
While the Committee realizes that the care shown by some parents for their children has proved to be inadequate, there are many parents who are examples of what parents ought to be. Above all, the Committee wishes to stress that parents should not suffer from feelings of inadequacy owing to a spate of modern knowledge often expressed in semi-technical terms. Parents should enjoy their children, and this enjoyment will lead to increasing co-operation within the family.
(2) Absent Mothers and Fathers
Many persons have expressed the opinion that sexual immorality among young people arises, in part, from the fact that mothers are frequently absent from their homes at times when their children need their care and guidance.