“Thank you, my dear uncle,” said John, burying his face in his pocket handkerchief to conceal his emotion. “I only hope you may live to enjoy it yourself.”
“You, also, Thomas, have been a good lad. I have, therefore, left you the sum of fifteen thousand dollars.”
“Thank you, my dear uncle. I only hope you may live to enjoy it yourself.”
“As for you, Frank, you have been a sad dog; to you, therefore, I have left the sum of twenty-five cents to buy a rope to hang yourself with.”
“Thank you, my dear uncle,” said the dutiful nephew. “I only hope you may live to enjoy it yourself!”
THE NEW WEATHER SYSTEM.
By MAX ADELER.
Cooley is the inventor of an improved system of foretelling the weather. He has a lot of barometers, hygrometers, and such things, in his house, and he claims that by reading these intelligently, and watching the clouds in accordance with his theory, a man can prophesy what kind of weather there will be three days ahead. They were getting up a Sunday-school picnic in town in May, and as Cooley ascertained that there would be no rain on a certain Thursday, they selected that day for the purpose. The sky looked gloomy when they started, but as Cooley declared that it absolutely couldn’t rain on Thursday, everybody felt that it was safe to go. About two hours after the party reached the grounds, however, a shower came up, and it rained so hard that it ruined all the provisions, wet everybody to the skin, and washed all the cake to dough. Besides, Peter Marks was struck by lightning. On the following Monday the agricultural exhibition was to be held, but as Mr. Cooley foresaw that there would be a terrible northeast storm on that day, he suggested to the president of the society that it had better be postponed. So they put it off, and that was the only clear Monday we had during May. About the first of June, Mr. Cooley announced that there would not be any rain until the fifteenth, and consequently we had showers every day, right straight along up to that time, with the exception of the tenth day, when there was a slight spit of snow. So on the fifteenth, Cooley foresaw that the rest of the month would be wet, and by an odd coincidence, a drought set in, and it only rained once during the two weeks, and that was on the day which Cooley informed the baseball club that it could play a match, because it would be clear.
On toward the first of July, he began to have some doubts if his improved weather system were correct; he was convinced that it must work by contraries; so when Professor Jones asked him if it would be safe to attempt to have a display of fireworks on the night of the fifth, Cooley brought the improved system into play, and discovered that it promised rainy weather on that night. So then he was certain it would be clear, and he told Professor Jones to go ahead.
On the night of the fifth, just as the professor got his Catherine wheels and skyrockets all in position, it began to rain, and that was the most awful storm we have had this year. It raised the river nearly three feet. As soon as it began, Cooley got the ax, and went upstairs and smashed his hydrometers, hygrometers, barometers, and thermometers. Then he cut down the pole that upheld the weathercock, and burned the manuscript of the book which he was writing in explanation of his system. He leans on “Old Probs” now when he wants to ascertain the probable state of the weather.