In forming a matrimonial connection, bridle fancy, and reduce it to the control of reezon. You wil perhaps be in luv at sixteen; but remember, you cannot rely on the continuance of the passion. At this erly period of life, a man's passions are too violent to last; he iz in raptures and ecstacy; but raptures and ecstacy never continu thro life. While a man talks of raptures and paradise on erth, he iz not fit to be married; for hiz passion, or rather hiz frenzy, warps hiz judgement; he iz az unqualified to form a just estimate of a woman's karacter, az a blind man to judge of colors. The probability iz, in all such cases, that a man wil make a bad choice; at leest the chances are ten to one against him. Before a man marries, he should liv long enuf to experience the fallacy of hope, and to moderate hiz expectations down to real life. He wil then meet with fewer disappointments, and be better prepared to realize the happiness that iz within hiz power.
If you feel a violent passion for a young lady, the chance iz that the first opportunity you hav, you wil discloze it, and assure her you are dying for her. Should passion hurry you to such a declaration, before you hav much acquaintance with her, and before you hav, by your attentions, made some favorable impressions on her hart, you may be sure of a repulse; for your sudden professions frighten the lady, and ladies are never frightened into luv. A widow wil sometimes surrender to the most unexpected attack; but yung coy maidens are to be taken only by gradual approaches. To ensure success, take the advice of a very sensible woman; "first be the frend, and then the luver." Be polite and attentiv; show yourself a particular frend, for ladies are not alarmed at professions of esteem; be neether bashful, nor discuver uncommon solicitude; and the lady's hart wil probably be yours before she knows it.
Do you ask, how you shal discuver the tru karacter of a woman, so az not to be deceeved? I answer, this must depend mostly on obzervations of your own, or of thoze that are more acquainted with the sex than yourself. The virtues of good nature, delicacy, modest rezervedness, prudence, &c. are discuverable only by considerable acquaintance. I would however advize you to be cautious of connecting yourselves with the following karacters: First, wimen who hav been accustomed to indulge familiarities, even in company, such az kissing, playing with their hands, and the like. Secondly, thoze who wil never be seen in the morning; for if a lady runs out of a room, and avoids you in a morning dress, the suspicion iz that she iz a slut, and that she iz conscious of her unfitness to be seen. A neet woman wil never be ashamed of her dishabille, for in this she wil show her neetness to the best advantage. A slut may look tolerably wel in silks; but a neet woman only wil appeer wel in a kitchen or at a brekfast table in her own family.
Thirdly, never connect yourselves with a very loquacious or fretful woman; such a partner wil teeze you thro life. Fourthly, avoid one who haz a slanderous tung; she wil keep your family and the naborhood in perpetual discord. Fifthly, form no connection with a woman, who haz no acquaintance with a kitchen. She wil trust every thing to servants, who wil waste more than you consume; she wil not know how to reform abuses or guvern domestics; the clothes wil be ill washed, the food wil be badly cooked; you wil be harrassed with disorders and irregularity in the family; and you wil be ashamed of your wife, if she iz not ashamed of herself. A master of a vessel should not come in at the cabin windows; nor should a man be placed at the hed of an army, without an intimate knowlege of the duty of a private soldier. How then can a lady be qualified for the care of a family, without being acquainted with every part of domestic bizziness? Sixthly, marry, if possible, a lady of virtu and religion; for religion iz her best gard from temptation and the allurements of vice. At any rate, marry. A married man, especially a father, iz a better citizen than a bachelor. Hiz benevolent affections are called in to exercize in hiz family; and he iz thus prepared to luv and to bless society in general.
No. XXX.
NEW YORK, 1788.
An ADDRESS to YUNG LADIES.
my amiable frends,
Altho men in general are expozed to the suspicion of your sex, and their opinions are often construed into flattery or stratagem, yet the tenor of the following remarks wil, it iz presumed, bear such marks of sincerity az to giv them a place in your confidence. They are not the precepts of a morose instructor, nor the opinions of a hoary sage who haz lost all relish for the joys of life, and wishes to restrain the innocent plezures of sense. They do not proceed from a peevish old bachelor, whom a phlegmatic constitution, or repeeted disappointments, hav changed into a hater of your sex; but they come from a heart capable of being softened by your charms or your misfortunes; a heart that never harbored a wish but to see and make you happy. They are the sentiments of a yung frend; one who haz lived long enuf, if not to feel his own faults, at leest to discuver thoze of others; and to form a tolerable estimate of your worth in social life.