The courtroom hummed excitedly over the dramatic outburst.
Sar felt as if a million eyes were staring at her, a million tongues talking about her. She was conscious of an awkward stiffness in every part of her body, which was suddenly a strange, uncomfortable garment she wished she could throw off.
She sat down again, folding her hands in her lap, nervously clasping and unclasping her fingers. Bowing her head, she fixed her gaze on the floor. Shame was an emotion she rarely felt. She felt it now, covering her, pervading the air around her. It was stifling.
The buzzing in the courtroom grew louder, more excited.
The full meaning of the accusation suddenly opened up to her and she realized how serious it was. Yesterday she had laughed at the absurdity of the charge. Now she was infuriated by its viciousness. They actually meant to ruin her!
Stripped of her first-wife respectability, at forty-one she might not even have the opportunity of becoming a second-wife. And, although she would never be satisfied as a second-wife, at least she would still live comfortably and receive a modest pension when she retired. But who would want an aging, incompetent woman, even as a second-wife?
There would be only one thing left for her to do. She would be forced to enlist in one of the 'publics'! That, or neutralization. And she could not submit to neutralization. Life in the 'publics' was not pleasant, but neutralization was no life at all.
Living in the 'publics' would be hell-on-earth. Her rations would be reduced to class C, and she would be assigned living space in a twelve-quarter dorm. She'd be given a four hour job and be required to put in four hours more in the service. But she would still be a woman. Unneutralized, she would live.
Live? Yes, she would live. She would live to cater to the men who utilized the Government's public sexological stations. So many men—coarse, rough, unmateable men! The thought sickened her.
The warning light on the judges' rostrum flashed on, and the noise in the room gradually subsided. Order was restored. Justice Klyutch cautioned Sar not to disturb the decorum of the court again.