'When you see a hat
Stuck up like that
You remark with some surprise,
"Has he been to a shop,
And bought for his top
A hat of the largest size?"
'Or else you say,
As you note the way
He wears it like a wreath,
"It cannot be fat
That bulges his hat;
He's got something underneath."
'But whether or not
It's a Puddin' he's got
Can only be settled by lifting his pot.
Or by taking a stick,
A stone or a brick,
And hitting him hard on the head with it quick.
If he yells, you hit fat,
If he doesn't, well that
Will prove it's a Puddin' that's under his hat.'
'Now are you satisfied?' asked Bill, and they all shouted—
'Hurrah! hurray!
Just listen to that;
He knows the way
To bell the cat.
You'd better obey
His judgement pat,
'Without delay
Remove the hat;
It's tit-for-tat,
We tell you flat,
You'll find it pay
To lift your hat.
'Obey the mandate of our chosen lawyer,
Remove that hat, or else we'll do it faw yer.'
'No, no,' said the Possum, shaking his head. 'No removing people's hats. Removing hats is larceny, and you'll get six months for it.'
'No bashing heads, either,' said the Wombat. 'That's manslaughter, and we'll have you hung for it.'
Bill scratched his head. 'This is an unforeseen predicament,' he said. 'Just mind them puddin'-thieves a minute, Ben, while we has a word in private.' He took Sam and Bunyip aside, and almost gave way to despair. 'What a frightful situation,' wailed he. 'We can't unlawfully take a puddin'-thief's hat off, and while it remains on who's to prove our Puddin's under it? This is one of the worst things that's happened to Sam and me for years.'