| Scene: Telegraph office in Houston. | |
| Enter handsome black velour cape, trimmed with jet and braid, with Tibetan fur collar, all enclosing lovely young lady. | |
| Young lady | Oh, I want to send a telegram at once, if you please. Give me about six blanks, please. (Writes about ten minutes.) How much will this amount to, please? |
| Clerk | (counting words) Sixteen dollars and ninety-five cents, ma’am. |
| Young lady | Goodness gracious! I’ve only thirty cents with me. Suspiciously. How is it you charge so much, when the post-office only requires two cents? |
| Clerk | We claim to deliver messages quicker than the post-office, ma’am. You can send ten words to Waco for twenty-five cents. |
| Young lady | Give me another blank, please: I guess that will be enough. (After five minutes’ hard work she produces the following: “Ring was awfully lovely. Come down as soon as you can. Mamie.”) |
| Clerk | This contains eleven words. That will be thirty cents. |
| Young lady | Oh, gracious! I wanted that nickel to buy gum with. |
| Clerk | Let’s see. You might strike out, “awfully,” and that will make it all right. |
| Young lady | Indeed I shan’t. You ought to see that ring. I’ll give you the thirty cents. |
| Clerk | To whom is this to be sent? |
| Young lady | It seems to me you are rather inquisitive, sir. |
| Clerk | (wearily) I assure you there is no personal interest expressed in the question. We have to know the name and address in order to send the message. |
| Young lady | Oh, yes. I didn’t think of that. (She writes the name and address, pays the thirty cents and departs. Twenty minutes later she returns, out of breath.) |
| Young lady | Oh, I forgot something. Have you sent it off yet? |
| Clerk | Yes, ten minutes ago. |
| Young lady | Oh, I’m so sorry. It isn’t the way I wanted it at all. Can’t you telegraph and have it changed for me? |
| Clerk | Is it anything important? |
| Young lady | Yes: I wanted to underscore the words “awfully lovely.” Will you have that attended to at once? |
| Clerk | Certainly, and we have some real nice violet extract; would you like a few drops on your telegram? |
| Young lady | Oh, yes: so kind of you. I expect to send all my telegrams through your office, you have been so accommodating. Good morning. |
An Opportunity Declined
A farmer who lives about four miles from Houston noticed a stranger in his front yard one afternoon last week acting in a rather unusual manner. He wore a pair of duck trousers stuffed in his boots, and had a nose the color of Elgin pressed brick. In his hand he held a sharpened stake about two feet long, which he would stick into the ground, and after sighting over it at various objects would pull it up and go through the same performance at another place.
The farmer went out in the yard and inquired what he wanted.
“Wait just a minute,” said the stranger, squinting his eye over the stick at the chicken house. “Now, that’s it to a T. You see, I’m one of de odnance corps of engineers what’s runnin’ de line of the new railroad from Columbus, Ohio, to Houston. See? De other fellers is over de hill wid de transit and de baggage. Dere’s over a million dollars in de company. See? Dey sent me on ahead to locate a place for a big passenger depot, to cost $27,000. De foundation will commence right by your chicken house. Say, I gives you a pointer. You charge ’em high for dis land. Dey’ll stand fifty thousand. ’Cause why? ’Cause dey’s got de money and dey’s got to build de depot right where I says. See? I’ve got to go on into Houston to record a deed for a right of way, and I never thought to get fifty cents from de treasurer. He’s a little man with light pants. You might let me have de fifty cents and when de boys comes along in de mornin’ tell ’em what you did, and any one of ’em’ hand you a dollar. You might ask ’em fifty-five thousand, if you—”
“You throw that stick over the fence, and get the axe and cut up exactly half a cord of that wood, stove length, and I’ll give you a quarter and your supper,” said the farmer. “Does the proposition strike you favorably?”
“And are you goin’ to t’row away de opportunity of havin’ dat depot built right here, and sellin’ out—”
“Yes, I need the ground for my chicken coop.”
“You refuse to take $50,000 for de ground, den?”
“I do. Are you going to chop that wood, or shall I whistle for Tige?”