Monsieur de Camors — Complete

by Octave Feuillet

“March.
“You will remember, my mother, that the Count has as secretary a man
named Vautrot. The name is a bad one; but the man himself is a good
enough creature, except that I somewhat dislike his catlike style of
looking at one.
“Well, Monsieur de Vautrot lives in the house with us. He comes
early in the morning, breakfasts at some neighboring cafe, passes
the day in the Count’s study, and often remains to dine with us, if
he has work to finish in the evening.
“He is an educated man, and knows a little of everything; and he has
undertaken many occupations before he accepted the subordinate
though lucrative post he now occupies with my husband. He loves
literature; but not that of his time and of his country, perhaps
because he himself has failed in this. He prefers foreign writers
and poets, whom he quotes with some taste, though with too much
declamation.
“Most probably his early education was defective; for on all
occasions, when speaking with us, he says, ‘Yes, Monsieur le Comte!’
or ‘Certainly, Madame la Comtesse!’ as if he were a servant. Yet
withal, he has a peculiar pride, or perhaps I should say
insufferable vanity. But his great fault, in my eyes, is the
scoffing tone he adopts, when the subject is religion or morals.
“Two days ago, while we were dining, Vautrot allowed himself to
indulge in a rather violent tirade of this description. It was
certainly contrary to all good taste.
“‘My dear Vautrot,’ my husband said quietly to him, ‘to me these
pleasantries of yours are indifferent; but pray remember, that while
you are a strong-minded man, my wife is a weak-minded woman; and
strength, you know, should respect weakness.’
“Monsieur Vautrot first grew white, then red, and finally green. He
rose, bowed awkwardly, and immediately afterward left the table.
Since that time I have remarked his manner has been more reserved.
The moment I was alone with Louis, I said:
“‘You may think me indiscreet, but pray let me ask you a question.
How can you confide all your affairs and all your secrets to a man
who professes to have no principles?’
“Monsieur de Camors laughed.
“‘Oh, he talks thus out of bravado,’ he answered. ‘He thinks to
make himself more interesting in your eyes by these Mephistophelian
airs. At bottom he is a good fellow.’
“‘But,’ I answered, ‘he has faith in nothing.’
“‘Not in much, I believe. Yet he has never deceived me. He is an
honorable man.’
“I opened my eyes wide at this.
“‘Well,’ he said, with an amused look, ‘what is the matter, Miss
Mary?’
“‘What is this honor you speak of?’
“‘Let me ask your definition of it, Miss Mary,’ he replied.
“‘Mon Dieu!’ I cried, blushing deeply, ‘I know but little of it, but
it seems to me that honor separated from morality is no great thing;
and morality without religion is nothing. They all constitute a
chain. Honor hangs to the last link, like a flower; but if the
chain be broken, honor falls with the rest.’ He looked at me with
strange eyes, as if he were not only confounded but disquieted by my
philosophy. Then he gave a deep sigh, and rising said:
“‘Very neat, that definition-very neat.’
“That night, at the opera, he plied me with bonbons and orange ices.
Madame de Campvallon accompanied us; and at parting, I begged her to
call for me next day on her way to the Bois, for she is my idol.
She is so lovely and so distinguished—and she I knows it well. I
love to be with her. On our return home, Louis remained silent,
contrary to his custom. Suddenly he said, brusquely:
“‘Marie, do you go with the Marquise to the Bois to-morrow?’
“‘Yes.’
“‘But you see her often, it seems to me-morning and evening. You
are always with her.’
“‘Heavens! I do it to be agreeable to you. Is not Madame de
Campvallon a good associate?’
“‘Excellent; only in general I do not admire female friendships.
But I did wrong to speak to you on this subject. You have wit and
discretion enough to preserve the proper limits.’
“This, my mother, was what he said to me. I embrace you.
“Ever your
“MARIE.”
............................
“March.
“I hope, my own mother, not to bore you this year with a catalogue
of fetes and festivals, lamps and girandoles; for Lent is coming.
To-day is Ash-Wednesday. Well, we dance to-morrow evening at Madame
d’Oilly’s. I had hoped not to go, but I saw Louis was disappointed,
and I feared to offend Madame d’Oilly, who has acted a mother’s part
to my husband. Lent here is only an empty name. I sigh to myself:
‘Will they never stop! Great heavens! will they never cease
amusing themselves?’
“I must confess to you, my darling mother, I amuse myself too much
to be happy. I depended on Lent for some time to myself, and see
how they efface the calendar!
“This dear Lent! What a sweet, honest, pious invention it is,
notwithstanding. How sensible is our religion! How well it
understands human weakness and folly! How far-seeing in its
regulations! How indulgent also! for to limit pleasure is to
pardon it.
“I also love pleasure—the beautiful toilets that make us resemble
flowers, the lighted salons, the music, the gay voices and the
dance. Yes, I love all these things; I experience their charming
confusion; I palpitate, I inhale their intoxication. But always—
always! at Paris in the winter—at the springs in summer—ever this
crowd, ever this whirl, this intoxication of pleasure! All become
like savages, like negroes, and—dare I say so?—bestial! Alas for
Lent!
“HE foresaw it. HE told us, as the priest told me this morning:
‘Remember you have a soul: Remember you have duties!—a husband
—a child—a mother—a God!’
“Then, my mother, we should retire within ourselves; should pass the
time in grave thought between the church and our homes; should
converse on solemn and serious subjects; and should dwell in the
moral world to gain a foothold in heaven! This season is intended
as a wholesome interval to prevent our running frivolity into
dissipation, and pleasure into convulsion; to prevent our winter’s
mask from becoming our permanent visage. This is entirely the
opinion of Madame Jaubert.
“Who is this Madame Jaubert? you will ask. She is a little
Parisian angel whom my mother would dearly love! I met her almost
everywhere—but chiefly at St. Phillipe de Roule—for several months
without being aware that she is our neighbor, that her hotel adjoins
ours. Such is Paris!
“She is a graceful person, with a soft and tender, but decided air.
We sat near each other at church; we gave each other side-glances;
we pushed our chairs to let each other pass; and in our softest
voices would say, ‘Excuse me, Madame!’ ‘Oh, Madame!’ My glove would
fall, she would pick it up; I would offer her the holy water, and
receive a sweet smile, with ‘Dear Madame!’ Once at a concert at the
Tuileries we observed each other at a distance, and smiled
recognition; when any part of the music pleased us particularly we
glanced smilingly at each other. Judge of my surprise next morning
when I saw my affinity enter the little Italian house next ours—and
enter it, too, as if it were her home. On inquiry I found she was
Madame Jaubert, the wife of a tall, fair young man who is a civil
engineer.
“I was seized with a desire to call upon my neighbor. I spoke of it
to Louis, blushing slightly, for I remembered he did not approve of
intimacies between women. But above all, he loves me!
“Notwithstanding he slightly shrugged his shoulders—‘Permit me at
least, Miss Mary, to make some inquiries about these people.’
“A few days afterward he had made them, for he said: ‘Miss Mary, you
may visit Madame Jaubert; she is a perfectly proper person.’
“I first flew to my husband’s neck, and thence went to call upon
Madame Jaubert.
“‘It is I, Madame!’
“‘Oh, Madame, permit me!’
“And we embraced each other and were good friends immediately.
“Her husband is a civil engineer, as I have said. He was once
occupied with great inventions and with great industrial works; but
that was only for a short time. Having inherited a large estate, he
abandoned his studies and did nothing—at least nothing but
mischief. When he married to increase his fortune, his pretty
little wife had a sad surprise. He was never seen at home; always
at the club—always behind the scenes at the opera—always going to
the devil! He gambled, he had mistresses and shameful affairs. But
worse than all, he drank—he came to his wife drunk. One incident,
which my pen almost refuses to write, will give you an idea. Think
of it! He conceived the idea of sleeping in his boots! There, my
mother, is the pretty fellow my sweet little friend transformed,
little by little, into a decent man, a man of merit, and an
excellent husband!
“And she did it all by gentleness, firmness, and sagacity. Now is
not this encouraging?—for, God knows, my task is less difficult.
“Their household charms me; for it proves that one may build for
one’s self, even in the midst of this Paris, a little nest such as
one dreams of. These dear neighbors are inhabitants of Paris—not
its prey. They have their fireside; they own it, and it belongs to
them. Paris is at their door—so much the better. They have ever a
relish for refined amusement; ‘they drink at the fountain,’ but do
not drown themselves in it. Their habits are the same, passing
their evenings in conversation, reading, or music; stirring the fire
and listening to the wind and rain without, as if they were in a
forest.
“Life slips gently through their fingers, thread by thread, as in
our dear old country evenings.
“My mother, they are happy!
“Here, then, is my dream—here is my plan.
“My husband has no vices, as Monsieur Jaubert had. He has only the
habits of all the brilliant men of his Paris-world. It is
necessary, my own mother, gradually to reform him; to suggest
insensibly to him the new idea that one may pass one evening at home
in company with a beloved and loving wife, without dying suddenly of
consumption.
“The rest will follow.
“What is this rest? It is the taste for a quiet life, for the
serious sweetness of the domestic hearth—the family taste—the idea
of seclusion—the recovered soul!
“Is it not so, my good angel? Then trust me. I am more than ever
full of ardor, courage, and confidence. For he loves me with all
his heart, with more levity, perhaps, than I deserve; but still—he
loves me!
“He loves me; he spoils me; he heaps presents upon me. There is no
pleasure he does not offer me, except, be it understood, the
pleasure of passing one evening at home together.
“But he loves me! That is the great point—he loves me!
“Now, dearest mother, let me whisper one final word-a word that
makes me laugh and cry at the same time. It seems to me that for
some time past I have had two hearts—a large one of my own, and—
another—smaller!
“Oh, my mother! I see you in tears. But it is a great mystery
this. It is a dream of heaven; but perhaps only a dream, which I
have not yet told even to my husband—only to my adorable mother!
Do not weep, for it is not yet quite certain.
“Your naughty
Miss MARY.”

In reply to this letter Madame de Camors received one three mornings after, announcing to her the death of her grandfather. The Comte de Tecle had died of apoplexy, of which his state of health had long given warning. Madame de Tecle foresaw that the first impulse of her daughter would be to join her to share her sad bereavement. She advised her strongly against undertaking the fatigue of the journey, and promised to visit her in Paris, as soon as she conveniently could. The mourning in the family heightened in the heart of the Countess the uneasy feeling and vague sadness her last letters had indicated.

She was much less happy than she told her mother; for the first enthusiasm and first illusions of marriage could not long deceive a spirit so quick and acute as hers.

A young girl who marries is easily deceived by the show of an affection of which she is the object. It is rare that she does not adore her husband and believe she is adored by him, simply because he has married her.

The young heart opens spontaneously and diffuses its delicate perfume of love and its songs of tenderness; and enveloped in this heavenly cloud all seems love around it. But, little by little, it frees itself; and, too often, recognizes that this delicious harmony and intoxicating atmosphere which charmed it came only from itself.

Thus was it with the Countess; so far as the pen can render the shadows of a feminine soul. Such were the impressions which, day by day, penetrated the very soul of our poor “Miss Mary.”

It was nothing more than this; but this was everything to her!

The idea of being betrayed by her husband—and that, too, with cruel premeditation—never had arisen to torture her soul. But, beyond those delicate attentions to her which she never exaggerated in her letters to her mother, she felt herself disdained and slighted. Marriage had not changed Camors’s habits: he dined at home, instead of at his club, that was all. She believed herself loved, however, but with a lightness that was almost offensive. Yet, though she was sometimes sad and nearly in tears, she did not despair; this valiant little heart attached itself with intrepid confidence to all the happy chances the future might have in store for it.

M. de Camors continued very indifferent—as one may readily comprehend—to the agitation which tormented this young heart, but which never occurred to him for a moment. For himself, strange as it may appear, he was happy enough. This marriage had been a painful step to take; but, once confirmed in his sin, he became reconciled to it. But his conscience, seared as it was, had some living fibres in it; and he would not have failed in the duty he thought he owed to his wife. These sentiments were composed of a sort of indifference, blended with pity. He was vaguely sorry for this child, whose existence was absorbed and destroyed between those of two beings of nature superior to her own; and he hoped she would always remain ignorant of the fate to which she was condemned. He resolved never to neglect anything that might extenuate its rigor; but he belonged, nevertheless, more than ever solely to the passion which was the supreme crime of his life. For his intrigue with Madame de Campvallon, continually excited by mystery and danger—and conducted with profound address by a woman whose cunning was equal to her beauty—continued as strong, after years of enjoyment, as at first.

The gracious courtesy of M. de Camors, on which he piqued himself, as regarded his wife, had its limits; as the young Countess perceived whenever she attempted to abuse it. Thus, on several occasions she declined receiving guests on the ground of indisposition, hoping her husband would not abandon her to her solitude. She was in error.