And Macho has recorded some memorials of him in these lines:—
Once Stratonicus travell'd down to Pella,
And having heard from many men before
That the baths of that city were accustom'd
To give the bathers spleen; and finding, too,
That many of the youths did exercise
Before the fire, who preserved their colour
And vigour of their body unimpair'd;
He said that those who told him so were wrong.
But finding afterwards, when he left the bath,
A man whose spleen was twice his belly's size,—
"This man," said he, "appears to me here now
To sit and keep the garments of the men
Who go to bathe, and all their spleens beside,
That all the people may have room enough."
A miserable singer once did give
A feast to Stratonicus and his friends,
And, while the cup was freely going round,
Exhibited his art to all the company.
And as the feast was rich and liberal,
Poor Stratonicus, wearied with the song,
And having no one near him he could speak to,
Knock'd down his cup, and asked for a larger.
And when he'd drunk full many a draught, he made
A last libation to the glorious sun,
And then composed himself to sleep, and left
The rest to fortune. Presently more guests
Came, as good luck would have it, to the singer,
To feast with him; still Stratonicus slept,
Heavy with wine; and when they ask'd him why
A man so much accustom'd to drink wine
Had been so soon o'ercome by drink this day,
"This treacherous, cursed singing man," said he,
"Treated me like a bullock in a stall;
For first he fed me up, and then he kill'd me."
Once Stratonicus to Abdera went,
To see some games which there were celebrated;
And seeing every separate citizen
Having a private crier to himself,
And each of them proclaiming a new moon
Whene'er he pleased, so that the criers were
Quite out of all proportion to the citizens,
He walk'd about on tiptoes through the city,
Looking intently on the ground beneath.
And when some stranger ask'd him what had happen'd
To his feet, to make him look so gravely at them:—
He said, "I'm very well all over, friend,
And can run faster to an entertainment
Than any parasite; but I'm in fear
Lest I should tread by hazard on some κῆρυξ,[12]
And pierce my foot with its spikes and lame myself."
Once, when a wretched flute-player was preparing
To play the flute at a sacred festival,
"Let us have only sounds of omen good,"
Said Stratonicus; "let us pour libations
And pray devoutly to the mighty gods."
There was a harper, and his name was Cleon,
But he was nicknamed Ox; he sang most vilely
Without th' accompaniment of the lyre.
When Stratonicus heard him, then he said,
"I've often heard of asses at the lyre,
But now I see an ox in the same case."
The harper Stratonicus once had sail'd
To Pontus, to see king Berisades.
And when he'd staid in Pontus long enough,
He thought he would return again to Greece.
But when the king refused to let him go,
They say that Stratonicus said to him—
"Why, do you mean to stay here long yourself?"
The harper Stratonicus once was staying
Some time at Corinth; when an aged woman
One day stood looking at him a long time,
And would not take her eyes off: then said he,
"Tell me, I pray you, in God's name, good mother,
What is't you wish, and why you look thus on me?"
"I marvell'd," said she, "how 'twas your mother
Held you nine months, without her belly bursting,
While this town can't endure you one whole day."
Fair Biothea, Nicotheon's wife,
Once at a party with a handmaid fair
Made some strange noise; and after that, by chance,
She trod upon a Sicyonian almond.
Then Stratonicus said, "The noise is different."
But when night came, for this heedless word,
He wash'd out his free-speaking in the sea.
STRATONICUS.
Once, when at Ephesus, as rumour goes,
A stupid harper was exhibiting
One of his pupils to a band of friends;
Stratonicus, who by chance was present, said,
"He cannot make himself a harp-player,
And yet he tries to teach the art to others."
42. And Clearchus, in the second book of his treatise on Friendship, says,—"Stratonicus the harp-player, whenever he wished to go to sleep, used to order a slave to bring him something to drink; 'not,' says he, 'because I am thirsty now, but that I may not be presently.'" And once, at Byzantium, when a harp-player had played his prelude well, but had made a blunder of the rest of the performance, he got up and made proclamation, "That whoever would point out the harp-player who had played the prelude should receive a thousand drachmæ." And when he was once asked by some one who were the wickedest people, he said, "That in Pamphylia, the people of Phaselis were the worst; but that the Sidetæ were the worst in the whole world." And when he was asked again, according to the account given by Hegesander, which were the greatest barbarians, the Bœotians or the Thessalians, he said, "The Eleans." And once he erected a trophy in his school, and put this inscription on it—"Over the bad harp-players." And once, being asked by some one which was the safer kind of vessel, the long one or the round one,—"Those," quoth he, "are the safest which are in dock." And once he made a display of his art at Rhodes, and no one applauded; on which he left the theatre, and when he had got into the air he said, "When you fail to give what costs you nothing, how can I expect any solid pay from you?" "Let the Eleans," said he, "celebrate gymnastic contests, and let the Corinthians establish choral, and the Athenians theatrical exhibitions; and if any one of them does anything wrong, let the Lacedæmonians be scourged,"—jesting upon the public scourgings exhibited in that city, as Charicles relates, in the first book of his treatise on the City Contests. And when Ptolemy the king was talking with him in an ambitious kind of way about harp-playing, "The sceptre," said he, "O king, is one thing, and the plectrum another;" as Capito the epic poet says in the fourth book of his Commentaries addressed to Philopappus. And once being invited to hear a flute-player, after he had heard him, he said—
The father granted half his prayer,
The other half denied.
And when some one asked him which half he granted, he said, "He granted to him to play very badly, and denied him the ability to sing well." And once, when a beam fell down and slew some wicked man, "O Men," said he, "I think (δοκῶ) there are gods; and if not, there are beams (δόκοι)."
43. Also, after the before-mentioned witticisms of Stratonicus, he put down besides a list of these things following.
Stratonicus said once to the father of Chrysogonus, when he was saying that he had everything at home in great abundance, for that he himself had undertaken the works, and that of his sons, one could teach[13] and another play the flute; "You still," said Stratonicus, "want one thing." And when the other asked him what that was, "You want," said he, "a theatre in your house." And when some one asked him why he kept travelling over the whole of Greece, and did not remain in one city, he said—"That he had received from the Muses all the Greeks as his wages, from whom he was to levy a tax to atone for their ignorance." And he said that Phaon did not play harmony,[14] but Cadmus. And when Phaon pretended to great skill on the flute, and said that he had a chorus at Megara, "You are joking," said he; "for you do not possess anything there, but you are possessed yourself." And he said—"That he marvelled above all things at the mother of Satyrus the Sophist, because she had borne for nine months a man whom no city in all Greece could bear for nine days." And once, hearing that he had arrived in Ilium at the time of the Ilian games, "There are," said he, "always troubles in Ilium." And when Minnacus was disputing with him about music, he said—"That he was not attending to what he said, because he had got in above his ankles." At another time he said of a bad physician—"That he made those who were attended by him go to the shades below the very day they came to him." And having met one of his acquaintances, when he saw his sandals carefully sponged, he pitied him as being badly off, pretending to think that he would never have had his sandals so well sponged if he had not sponged them himself. And as it was a very mixed race of people who lived at Teichius, a town in the Milesian territory, when he saw that all the tombs about were those of foreigners, "Let us begone, O boy," said he; "for all the strangers, as it seems, die here, and none of the citizens." And when Zethus the harper was giving a lecture upon music, he said that he was the only person who was utterly unfit to discuss the subject of music, inasmuch as he had chosen the most unmusical of all names, and called himself Zethus[15] instead of Amphion. And once, when he was teaching some Macedonian to play on the harp, being angry that he did nothing as he ought, he said, "Go to Macedonia."
STRATONICUS.