But every man who lives but sparingly,
Having sufficient means, I call and think
Of all men the most truly miserable.
For when you're dead, you cannot then eat eels;
No wedding feasts are cook'd in Pluto's realms.
13. And Apollodorus the Carystian, in his Stirrer-up of Law-suits, says—
O men, whoe'er you are, why do you now
Scorn pleasant living, and turn all your thoughts
To do each other mischief in fierce war?
In God's name, tell me, does some odious fate,
Rude and unlettered, destitute of all
That can be knowledge call'd, or education,
Ignorant of what is bad and what is good,
Guide all your destiny?—a fate which settles
EPICURES.
All your affairs at random by mere chance?
I think it must be so: for else, what deity
Who bears a Grecian heart, would ever choose
To see Greeks by each other thus despoil'd,
And falling dead in ghastly heaps of corpses,
When she might see them sportive, gay, and jesting,
Drinking full cups, and singing to the flute?
Tell me, my friend, I pray, and put to shame
This most unpolish'd clownish fortune.
And, presently afterwards, he says—
Does not a life like this deserve the name
Of godlike?—Think how far more pleasant all
Affairs would be in all the towns of Greece
Than now they are, if we were but to change
Our fashions, and our habits, and our principles
One little bit. Why should we not proclaim,
"Whoe'er is more than thirty years of age,
Let him come forth and drink. Let all the cavalry
Go to a feast at Corinth, for ten days,
Crown'd with chaplets, and perfumed most sweetly.
Let all who radishes have got to sell
Come in the morning here from Megara.
Bid all th' allies now hasten to the bath,
And mix in cups the rich Eubœan wine?"—
Sure this is real luxury and life,
But we are slaves to a most clownish fortune.
14. The poets say that that ancient hero, Tantalus, was also greatly devoted to pleasure. At all events, the author of the book called The Return of the Atridæ says "that he, when he had arrived among the gods, and had begun to live among them, had leave given him by Jupiter to ask for whatever he wished; and that he, being a man quite insatiable in the gratification of his appetites, asked that it might be granted to him to indulge them to their full extent, and to live in the same manner as the gods. And that Jupiter was indignant at this request, and, according to his promise, fulfilled his prayer; but still, that he might not enjoy what he had before him, but be everlastingly tormented, he hung a stone over his head, on account of which he should be unable to get at any of the things which he had before him." Some of the Stoics also were addicted to this kind of pleasure. At all events, Eratosthenes the Cyrenean, who was a pupil of Ariston the Chian, who was one of the sect of the Stoics, in his treatise which is entitled Ariston, represents his master as subsequently being much addicted to luxury, speaking as follows: "And before now, I have at times discovered him breaking down, as it were, the partition wall between pleasure and virtue, and appearing on the side of pleasure." And Apollophanes (and he was an acquaintance of Ariston), in his Ariston (for he also wrote a book with that title), shows the way in which his master was addicted to pleasure. And why need we mention Dionysius of Heraclea? who openly discarded his covering of virtue, and put on a robe embroidered with flowers, and assumed the name of The altered Man; and, although he was an old man, he apostatized from the doctrines of the Stoics, and passed over to the school of Epicurus; and, in consequence, Timon said of him, not without some point and felicity—
When it is time to set (δύνειν), he now begins
To sit at table (ἡδύνεσθαι). But there is a time
To love, a time to wed, a time to cease.
15. Apollodorus the Athenian, in the third book of his treatise on a Modest and Prudent Man, which is addressed to those whom he calls Male Buffoons, having first used the expression, "more libidinous than the very Inventors themselves (ἄλφησται)," says, there are some fish called ἄλφησται, being all of a tawny colour, though they have a purple hue in some parts. And they say that they are usually caught in couples, and that one is always found following at the tail of the other; and therefore, from the fact of one following close on the tail of the other, some of the ancients call men who are intemperate and libidinous by the same name. But Aristotle, in his work on Animals, says that this fish, which he calls alphesticus, has but a single spine, and is of a tawny colour. And Numenius of Heraclea mentions it, in his treatise on Fishing, speaking as follows:—