[2] thought of, designed.
[3] MS. "speed."
[4] i.e. natural.
[5] MS. "wilful" = earnest, with set will.
[6] For these wounds see xvii. p. [40], xxvii. p. [56], [xxviii.], [lxxii.] and [xxxix.]
[CHAPTER III]
"I desired to suffer with Him"
And when I was thirty years old and a half, God sent me a bodily sickness, in which I lay three days and three nights; and on the fourth night I took all my rites of Holy Church, and weened not to have lived till day. And after this I languored forth[1] two days and two nights, and on the third night I weened oftentimes to have passed;[2] and so weened they that were with me.
And being in youth as yet, I thought it great sorrow to die;—but for nothing that was in earth that meliked to live for, nor for no pain that I had fear of: for I trusted in God of His mercy. But it was to have lived that I might have loved God better, and longer time, that I might have the more knowing and loving of God in bliss of Heaven. For methought all the time that I had lived here so little and so short in regard of that endless bliss,—I thought [it was as] nothing. Wherefore I thought: Good Lord, may my living no longer be to Thy worship![3] And I understood by my reason and by my feeling of my pains that I should die; and I assented fully with all the will of my heart to be at God's will.