We went for delicious walks; we spent all the afternoon by the lake or under the pines in the heather, reading and working. Once only, during a walk, he had a strong cardiac intermittence, but as a rule he felt well. I could see, however, that he was obsessed by a grave preoccupation which he did not express. Later, during his last illness, he confessed to me that during the whole of that stay at St. Léger he had feared to die suddenly during one of our walks. The thought of my isolation weighed on his mind and he hid his anxiety so as not to alarm me....
With a view to the work which he had planned on the sexual question, he interested himself in the influence that their sentimental life had had on the activity of great men, and we read together the biographies of Beethoven, Mozart, and Wagner. Elie was more than ever desirous of making our holidays as pleasant as possible, as if he already felt that they were our last. Here are more extracts from his note-book:
St. Léger-en-Yvelines, 24th June 1916.
When saying that I did not fear death, I had in view the dread of annihilation. That fear, manifested during a long period of life and disappearing towards the end, may be compared with the fear of darkness which children instinctively feel and which also disappears gradually and naturally. When, towards the end of life, the fear of nothingness ceases, no desire remains for a future life, for the immortality of the soul. It would even be painful to me to think that the soul, surviving the body, could watch, from beyond, the misfortunes of those who remain on the earth. On the contrary, towards life’s decline, a desire for complete annihilation becomes developed.
He spent the autumn collecting and preparing the materials he required for his book on the sexual function. It was a relief from the sad impressions of the war and the deserted laboratory. But new troubles were in store for us; I became ill, and had scarcely recovered when we heard the news of the death of a nephew who was very dear to us. The death of the young had always deeply moved Metchnikoff, and it was so in this case. It was another weight thrown into the already descending scale.
In spite of all, he continued to work with enthusiasm, planting young trees that future generations might enjoy their shade.
[CHAPTER XXXVI]
Bronchial cold — Aggravated cardiac symptoms — Farewell to Sèvres — Return to the Institute — Protracted sufferings — Intellectual preoccupations — Observations on his own condition — The end — Cremation.