ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG
Good people all, of every sort,
Give ear unto my song;
And if you find it wond’rous short,
It cannot hold you long.
In Islington there was a man, 5
Of whom the world might say,
That still a godly race he ran,
Whene’er he went to pray.
A kind and gentle heart he had,
To comfort friends and foes; 10
The naked every day he clad,
When he put on his clothes.
And in that town a dog was found,
As many dogs there be,
Both mongrel, puppy, whelp, and hound, 15
And curs of low degree.
This dog and man at first were friends;
But when a pique began,
The dog, to gain some private ends,
Went mad and bit the man. 20
Around from all the neighbouring streets
The wond’ring neighbours ran,
And swore the dog had lost his wits,
To bite so good a man.
The wound it seem’d both sore and sad 25
To every Christian eye;
And while they swore the dog was mad,
They swore the man would die.
But soon a wonder came to light,
That show’d the rogues they lied: 30
The man recover’d of the bite,
The dog it was that died.
SONG
FROM ‘THE VICAR OF WAKEFIELD’
WHEN lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?
The only art her guilt to cover, 5
To hide her shame from every eye,
To give repentance to her lover,
And wring his bosom, is—to die.
EPILOGUE TO ‘THE GOOD NATUR’D MAN’
As puffing quacks some caitiff wretch procure
To swear the pill, or drop, has wrought a cure;
Thus on the stage, our play-wrights still depend
For Epilogues and Prologues on some friend,
Who knows each art of coaxing up the town, 5
And make full many a bitter pill go down.
Conscious of this, our bard has gone about,
And teas’d each rhyming friend to help him out.
‘An Epilogue—things can’t go on without it;
It could not fail, would you but set about it.’ 10
‘Young man,’ cries one—a bard laid up in clover—
‘Alas, young man, my writing days are over;
Let boys play tricks, and kick the straw; not I:
Your brother Doctor there, perhaps, may try.’
‘What I? dear Sir,’ the Doctor interposes 15
‘What plant my thistle, Sir, among his roses!
No, no; I’ve other contests to maintain;
To-night I head our troops at Warwick Lane:
Go, ask your manager.’ ‘Who, me? Your pardon;
Those things are not our forte at Covent Garden.’ 20
Our Author’s friends, thus plac’d at happy distance,
Give him good words indeed, but no assistance.
As some unhappy wight, at some new play,
At the Pit door stands elbowing a way,
While oft, with many a smile, and many a shrug, 25
He eyes the centre, where his friends sit snug; His simp’ring friends, with pleasure in their eyes,
Sink as he sinks, and as he rises rise;
He nods, they nod; he cringes, they grimace;
But not a soul will budge to give him place. 30
Since then, unhelp’d, our bard must now conform
‘To ’bide the pelting of this pitiless storm’—
Blame where you must, be candid where you can;
And be each critic the Good Natur’d Man.