The country is infested with Absentee Snakes. It is believed that the Serpent who tempted Eve (from the “way he had with the women”) was one of these Absentee snakes.
Strabo, the Greek Geographer who visited Ireland long before St. Patrick, describes the inhabitants as, “more savage than the Britons, feeding on human flesh and enormous eaters, deeming it commendable to devour their deceased fathers.”
Strabo evidently attended a wake and miscalculated the strength of the national beverage.
The principal products of Ireland are Potatoes, Pugilists, Patriots,[A] Poteen and Bernard Shaw.
The inhabitants of Ireland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.
The Giddy Globe Consoling Ireland