Nuns have said to me more than once: “If it were not for my vows, I would not stay in the convent another day.” Another has said to me:
“Alas! I often look round and think can this be what I gave up my beautiful home for? If ever a woman came into a convent with a sincere desire to serve God, I did.”
And I am sure she spoke the truth. Afterwards she became a hard and tyrannical woman; but it was not her fault; for convent life does one of two things—it either crushes, or hardens its victims.
I assure my readers that convent life must crush every bit of self out of its victims. I was crushed by the life, and not seldom felt inclined to drown myself.
CHAPTER X.
DAILY ROUTINE AT LLANTHONY.
At 1.45 every morning the sisters are called by the words, “Benedicamus Domino.” Each sister must instantly arise, saying, “Deo gratias,” then prostrate herself and kiss the floor; and after tidying herself, she must kneel upright with her back toward the bed, in silent prayer, until the first chime of the bell ceases. The nuns then form themselves into a procession, with lighted tapers in their hands, and sing as they go to church, where they remain, singing, praying, and reciting psalms, etc., until 4 a.m. They then retire to their cells, and rest until quarter to five (unless they have the lamentations of Jeremiah to recite, or it is Lent, for during that season they remain in church from 2 to 6), when they are again awakened by the same words, and have the same routine to perform. Then follows the office of “Prime.” If a priest is there, mass is said, or sung, after which the “Martyrology” follows, and “prayers for the faithful departed.” We then remain in silent meditation until the Angelus bell is rung, when we sing the “Angelus,” and then form in procession and go to spiritual reading till 8. At that hour the bell calls us to church again, when we recite the offices of Terce and Sext, and listen to a meditation. At 8.45 the “Pittance bell” rings, and we form in procession again, and go into the refectory, where we find half-a-pint of unsweetened coffee, some dry bread, potatoes, rice or porridge, and salt, some of which we must eat, whether we are hungry or not. Many a time, like David, have we mingled our bread with weeping, and well nigh washed our bed with tears. Of course, the rule about eating this pittance of a meal did not apply to the Superiors, for they had whatever they liked, and had it whenever they liked.
At 9 o’clock the bell again rings, and we go to the Sacristy and sing, “Veni, Creator.” After this the work of the day commences, and real hard work it is.