Nunnery life in the Church of England; or, Seventeen years with Father Ignatius

by O.S.B. Sister Mary Agnes

“As in the days of old, after great long-suffering and forbearance of our loving God, His patience at last came to an end with His people, so at last, after great patience and forbearance on the part of her Superiors, they must ask Sister Agnes to take off her veil and habit, and lay them on the altar steps.”

I felt this so acutely, that I sobbed aloud:

“Will you please forgive me, dear Father, for all and whatever I have done wrong.”

After which, in the presence of all, I took off my veil, and laid myself down on the altar steps. When I had become somewhat calm, I realized that a trick had been played on me, and that my Superiors had made me pass through this ordeal in order to make others believe that I had been, so to speak, suddenly cut off by the will of my Superior, and not by my own free will.

In reality, I had quite of my own free will been waiting for Ignatius’s sanction, and the result of his letters to Mrs. Booth and the Abbess Bertha.

During the above scene I reminded Ignatius of his promise to write to the Abbess Bertha, but he replied:

“Yes, but that was before I knew you were not converted,—when I thought you were a child of God.”

Now I thought I had been converted some fourteen years ago, when I was made to realize so fully that Jesus Christ was my personal Saviour, and had determined, so far as I had light, “to show forth the praises of Him who had called me out of darkness into His marvellous light.” Surely, I thought, had I not been converted, I could never have endured all that I had suffered during those long years of misery! And had not Ignatius taught me that I could best glorify Him who had washed me from my sins in His precious blood by being a true nun? Then I believed that this was the best way of glorifying God; but now I know that I was under a great delusion.

This scene took place on a Saturday. On Sunday Ignatius told me I must leave the convent before 7 a.m. on the following morning, giving to the reverend Mother orders to give me £2, and to supply me with all necessary clothing. I sent this message back: