Women and Marriage.
Modesty was deemed so essential in the female character that it was considered indecorous in women of birth and breeding to show even their hands, and the dresses were so made that the long sleeves usually covered the hands when touching or moving anything. Yet there was adultery, which was considered a most heinous offence, but instead of bringing the offender before a magistrate many cases were dealt with in private. The offender would be attacked by a band of men and sometimes his legs were broken, sometimes his arms, and again quicklime would be rubbed into his eyes, destroying the sight.
The laws of China did not sanction polygamy but they did permit concubinage. The man could have but one wife, who was distinguished by a proper title, while the concubines were inferior and their children belonged to the wife. If the wife had borne sons, it was considered somewhat discreditable for a man to take a concubine, and if he did and brought her into the same home with his wife there was usually great disturbance, which accorded with one of their proverbs, That nine women out of ten are jealous. These concubines were generally purchased with money and were from the lower classes, where poverty always prevailed, making occasion for the selling of the girls. In a few cases, concubinage in a family might have arisen through the wife's desire to have women and children to serve her, as they would come under her control.
There were seven grounds for divorce in China, being, barrenness, adultery, disobedience to the husband's parents, talkativeness, thievery, ill temper, and malignant disease. But divorce was not for the wife, for no offense, of whatever kind, on the part of the husband, gave a woman any right to claim a divorce from him. "Any of these, however, may be set aside by three circumstances: the wife having mourned for her husband's parents; the family having acquired wealth since the marriage; and the wife being without parents to receive her back."[72] The family of the woman was a great factor against divorce, not only on account of the unjustness or disgrace attached to it but also because when the woman married she gave up her home and no provision was made for her further support and especially so if her parents were dead as the property was divided among her brothers and she would be looked upon as an alien. Hence a husband would not be allowed to divorce his wife, except for a most valid cause.
It was considered disreputable for widows to remarry. But this was not true of a widower as he could marry whomever he should choose, nor did he have to wait for any length of time for the ceremony because of any period of mourning for his first wife. If the widow herself should be unwilling to marry, the law would protect her against those trying to make her do so. One of the strong motives against marrying again was that as long as she remained a widow she would be absolute mistress of herself and her children. The widow was occasionally sold as a concubine by her father-in-law, but this was rare, as it was considered a great degradation and especially as she would be separated from her children.
"A reverse view of matrimonial experiences is suggested by the practice of wives refusing to survive their husbands and, like the victims of suttee in India, putting a voluntary end to their existence rather than live to mourn their loss. Such devotion is regarded by the people with great approbation, and the deed of suicide is generally performed in public with great punctiliousness. The following account of one such suicide at Fuhchow is taken from the Hong Kong Daily Press of January 20, 1861:
"'A few days since,' says the writer, 'I met a Chinese procession passing through the foreign settlement, escorting a young person in scarlet and gold in a richly decorated chair; the object of which I found, was to invite the public to come and see her hang herself, a step she had resolved to take in consequence of the death of her husband, by which she had been left a childless widow. Both being orphans, this event had severed her dearest earthly ties, and she hoped by this sacrifice to secure herself eternal happiness, and a meeting with her husband in the next world. Availing myself of the general invitation, I repaired on the day appointed to the indicated spot. We had scarcely arrived, when the same procession was seen advancing from the Joss house of the woman's native village towards a scaffold or gallows erected in an adjacent field, and surrounded by hundreds of natives of both sexes; the female portion, attired in gayest holiday costume, was very numerous. A friend and I obtained a bench for a consideration, which, being placed within a few yards of the scaffold, gave us a good view of the performance. The procession having reached the foot of the scaffold, the lady was assisted to ascend by her male attendant, and, after having welcomed the crowd, partook with some female relatives of a repast prepared for her on a table on the scaffold, which she appeared to appreciate extremely. A child in arms was then placed upon the table, whom she caressed and adorned with a necklace which she herself had worn. She then took an ornamental basket containing rice, herbs, and flowers, and, whilst scattering them amongst the crowd, delivered a short address, thanking them for their attendance, and upholding the motives which urged her to the step she was about to take. This done, a salute of bombards announced the arrival of the time for the performance of the last act of her existence, when a delay was occasioned by the discovery of the absence of a reluctant brother, pending whose arrival let me describe the means of extermination. The gallows was formed by an upright timber on each side of the scaffold supporting a stout bamboo, from the center of which was suspended a loop of cord with a small wooden ring embracing both parts of it, which was covered by a red silk handkerchief, the whole being surrounded by an awning.
"'The missing brother having been induced to appear, the widow now proceeded to mount on a chair placed under the noose, and, to ascertain its fitness for her reception, deliberately placed her head in it; then, withdrawing her head, she waved a final adieu to the admiring spectators, and committed herself to its embrace for the last time, throwing the red handkerchief over her head. Her supports were now about to be withdrawn, when she was reminded by several voices in the crowd that she had omitted to draw down the ring which should tighten the cord round her neck; smiling in acknowledgment of the reminder, she adjusted the ring, and, motioning away her supports, was left hanging in mid-air—a suicide. With extraordinary self-possession she now placed her hands before her, and continued to perform the manual chin-chin until the convulsions of strangulation separated them and she was dead. The body was left hanging about half an hour, and then taken down by her male attendants, one of whom immediately took possession of the halter, and was about to sever it for the purpose of appropriating a portion, when a struggle ensued, of which I took advantage to attach myself to the chair in which the body was now being removed to the Joss house, in order to obtain ocular proofs of her demise. Arrived at the Joss house the body was placed on a couch, and the handkerchief withdrawn from the face, disclosed unmistakable proofs of death. This is the third instance of suicide of this sort within as many weeks. The authorities are quite unable to prevent it, and a monument is invariably erected to the memory of the devoted widow.'"[73]
The most essential circumstance in a respectable family alliance was, that there should be equality of rank on either side. A Chinese lover who should woo a young lady of good family would visit the house of her parents, where he was expected to display his accomplishments, especially in penmanship. There was romance and poetry in the wooing, as may be shown by this love song, which has been sung in Cathay for more than two and a half millenniums:
"How rises the moon in radiant glory!