The two most noted of the hetairai were Aspasia and Phryne. "Phryne, the most beautiful woman that ever lived, attracted the eyes of all Greece; Apelles painted her, and Praxiteles made her the model for the Cnidian Aphrodite, the most lovely representation of woman that ever came from sculptor's chisel."[160] "Aspasia, the beautiful, accomplished, and highly gifted woman, a native of Miletus, first the mistress and subsequently the wife of Pericles, exercised an influence and a power in Greece very greatly superior to any ever exercised there by any other woman. She was endowed with a mind more beautiful than her beautiful form. Her genius drew around her all those who had a taste for the beautiful, or a desire to cultivate their minds. At her house, eloquence, politics and philosophy were daily discussed, and ladies of the highest rank resorted thither to acquire some of the accomplishments by which she was distinguished. Large concessions must certainly be made to the mind that could be a fit companion for Pericles, and could teach rhetoric to Socrates."[161]
Marriage.
Marriage had to be with the consent of the parents. The young woman had no control over her person as she was under the charge of her father, and upon his death of a brother, and in case of no brother then the grandfather, and last her guardian. The father not only had power over his daughter's marriage in his lifetime but also after his death as he could bequeath her by will. And yet more, for upon his deathbed he could betroth his wife to another person and even he could bequeath her in his will to another.
In order for the children to be legitimate both parties had to be citizens of the state, and equality of birth and wealth were the chief considerations. The man could not marry in the direct line of his own descent, yet he could marry his half-sister on his father's side, which was rarely done. There was usually some years of difference in the age of bride and groom, the young woman being from fifteen to twenty and the young man from twenty-four to thirty. Marriages were most frequent in the winter, January being the favorite month, and when the omens were favorable, the most favorable being at the time at which there happened to be a conjunction of the sun and the moon. The selections and arrangements were usually made by the father or the guardian but often a professional matchmaker was employed, who was well informed in regard to the marriageable young people. When the marriage was determined upon, the betrothal took place, which was made by the legal guardian of the young woman and in the presence of friends and relatives of both parties, the dowry of the wife being agreed upon at the time.
In ancient Greece the lover would often write the name of his loved one on walls and columns and carve it on trees. He would even write the beloved name on the leaves of the trees. The lover would send verses to his lady love. He would decorate her door with flowers and garlands. He would wear a wreath on his head awry or wear it untied, as a token of his being in love. Sometimes the lover would make an image of wax, call it by the name of his loved one, and place it near a fire, as the heat was supposed to melt the hard heart of her he loved as it melted her wax image.
Love potions were in common use as were also antidotes to love. "Some herbs were made use of for this purpose, also insects bred from putrid matter; the lamprey, the lizard, the brains of a calf, the hair on the extremity of the wolf's tail, with some of his secret parts, and the bones of the left side of a toad eaten by ants. The bones on the right side were supposed to cause hatred. Besides these, were also used the blood of doves, the bones of snakes, the feathers of screech owls, and bands of wool twisted upon a wheel, more especially such as had been bound about a person that hanged himself.... The Greeks also professed to have the means of allaying the passion of love, at least of that species of it which originated from magical incantations. The antidotes were of two kinds. The one consisted of those substances which possessed some natural virtue, to which the production of the effect might be attributed, as the herbs which were supposed enemies to generation. The other included all such as wrought the cure by some occult or mystical power, and by the assistance of demons. As instances of this latter, may be cited the sprinkling of the dust in which a mule had rolled herself, and the confining of toads in the hide of a beast lately slain. Another method of curing love, was to wash in the water of the river Selemnus."[162]
In the Homeric time in Greece, the suitor paid the father for his bride, thus purchasing her. But in later times this was entirely changed and the bride was expected to bring a dowry with her. Among the wealthy this dowry was supposed to consist partly in cash and partly in clothes, jewelry, and slaves. The husband had to give security for it, as in case of divorce it was returned to the bride or to her parents and in case of her death it did not go to the husband but to the nearest of kin. Where there was a daughter of a poor, deserving citizen, and especially if her ancestors had been serviceable to the state, she was provided a dowry by the state. Sometimes the dowry was given to such a girl by a number of citizens. The dowry was supposed to give the wife better standing and thus bring more respect from the husband and greater freedom. A woman might carry so great dowry to her husband as to make her the stronger partner and so be able to have her husband in submission to her and her money.
The day of the wedding having arrived, offerings were made to the deities that protected marriage, the oath of fidelity was taken, and the father declared that he gave his daughter to the man. The bride and bridegroom both were bathed, at Athens the water being taken from a famous fountain, and they were dressed in their wedding-garments, both bride and bridegroom being richly adorned and wearing upon their heads garlands of various herbs and flowers. The bride was then led from her home and placed in a chariot between the bridegroom and his best man. They then drove slowly through the streets, the bride's mother following them and carrying the wedding torches, kindled at the parental hearth, and a procession of relatives and friends followed. At the bridegroom's home the axle-tree of the chariot was broken or burned, to designate that the bride having found a new home would never return to her old home. The bridegroom's house was decked with garlands and brilliantly illuminated. The couple were met by his mother bearing torches, and surrounded by a group of dancing-girls they came to the door, and at the threshold the bride made a pretense of not wishing to enter, when the bridegroom seized her and carried her inside, seeing that her feet did not touch the sill. All then partook of a feast, consisting of wines, meats, sweetmeats, and wedding-cake, the women with the veiled bride among them sitting apart from the men. The final ceremony consisted in the eating of a quince by husband and wife together, to signify, perhaps, because of the bitter-sweetness, that they should partake of the sweets and bitters of life together, our "for better or worse." Then the guests departed and the couple entered the bridal chamber, where for the first time the bride unveiled herself to her husband. At the last the bridal hymn was sung before their door by a chorus of maidens. The next morning the chorus returned and saluted the married couple with songs. This was the day of "unveiling," as the bride unveiled herself, and the newly married couple spent the entire day in receiving visits with salutations and presents from their friends.
"The marriage ceremonies of the Spartans differed from those of all the other Greeks. Instead of having a public celebration, everything was there done in as private a manner as possible. When everything had been settled between the parties, the bridegroom at night made a secret visit to his bride at her father's house. Before day he returned to his comrades, at the gymnasia, and never, for a long time, visited his wife except at night and by stealth, as it was accounted a disgrace to be seen coming out of his wife's apartment. They sometimes lived in this clandestine manner for years, not unfrequently having children by their wives before they ever saw their faces by daylight."[163]
As citizenship was limited in the states of Greece, it became highly important that the citizens should perpetuate the state by marrying and having children. So the state would encourage marriage and make it honorable and likewise almost compulsory and unmarried men would not be wanted nor would marriage deferred till late in life be considered the best for the state. In both Athens and Sparta bachelors were subject to a legal penalty. In Athens those who held public office and were entrusted with public affairs had to be married, to have children, and to have estates in land. Sparta was quite severe on the bachelors. If a man delayed marriage after a specified age, he subjected himself to a number of penalties. One was for once each winter to go naked around the market-place and sing a song ridiculing his bachelorhood. Such men were not permitted to be present at the contests wherein young women engaged in a nude condition. Upon the celebration of a certain solemnity, the bachelors were dragged around the altar by the women who beat them with their fists. When these men became old they were not accorded that high respect which the young of Sparta was accustomed to pay to the aged.