A true marriage could be made only between Roman citizens, but as Roman citizenship became widely extended there was thus much latitude for choice. The lowest age for marriage was fixed by law at fourteen for the males and twelve for the female, but usually the girl did not marry before fifteen or sixteen and the boy not till he attained manhood, yet there were a number of instances of early marriages. A woman of twenty or a man of twenty-five who was not a parent became liable to the decree of Augustus against celibacy and childlessness. All within the sixth degree of relationship were originally prohibited from marriage, but later this was lowered to relatives of the fourth degree and when, in 49 A. D., the Senate permitted the Emperor Claudius to marry Agrippina, the daughter of his brother Germanicus, it was lowered to the third degree. But a woman was not permitted to marry her maternal uncle nor a man either his paternal or maternal aunt.
Marriage was a family arrangement, a matter of family convenience, hence, although the law made the consent of the girl necessary, yet really it was wholly in the hands of the parents, for it is well known that children were sometimes betrothed by the parents at a very early age, and the girl was married at the beginning of her thirteenth year, both betrothal and marriage being at an age when the child was wholly under the control of the parent. In the early times, the betrothal was a simple affair but later it became quite formal. This occurred at night or early morning, in the latter case the friends assembling at early dawn at the home of the girl's father or the nearest relative. The amount of the girl's dowry having been agreed upon, a contract was drawn up and signed and sealed by both parties in the presence of witnesses. The boy then gave the girl, as a pledge, an iron ring without ornament or jewels, which the girl placed upon the third finger of the left hand, as from this was believed to be a nerve leading directly to the heart. This was followed by a banquet or feast. The engagement might be broken by either party or by the guardians of either with no legal penalty attached and sometimes this gave the young man or young woman opportunity to escape a union not desired. But as long as a betrothal lasted it imposed certain restrictions, one being that betrothed persons could not testify against one another in the courts. There was usually quite an interval of time between the betrothal and the marriage, but that did not affect the relations of the couple, as they were not together any more than before the betrothal so that really they did not get to know one another till after they were married.
On the night before her marriage the girl put off her toga prætexta and her mother placed on her a long white garment called a tunica recta or regilla, and her loosened hair was confined in a scarlet net. The next day, the wedding-day, the girl put on her wedding-dress, which was a long white robe, gathered in at the waist by a woolen girdle tied in the knot of Hercules, a true-lover's knot, and said to be a charm against the evil eye. The flammeum, or wedding-veil, was of a brilliant orange red, or flame-color, quite full, of thin, fine stuff, and it was thrown over the head from behind, leaving the face exposed, and then draped gracefully about her. The bride's hair was divided into six strands or stresses by the bridegroom with the point of a spear, and then ribbons or fillets were bound between the tresses and the hair was braided and confined to the head. On these braids and under the veil was worn a garland of natural flowers which the bride herself had gathered.
"The costume of the bride is a complete allegory. This orange-red veil, this saffron-colored flammeum, which covers her head and allows only the face to be seen, is the usual ornament of the flamen's wife, to whom divorce is prohibited; the white tunic represents virginity; the head-dress raised in the form of a tower, almost like that of the vestals, with a javelot which runs through it, indicates that the wife is in submission to her husband; the chaplet of vervain is the symbol of fecundity, and the girdle of wool which is tied round her waist bears witness to her chastity."[185]
Weddings could not take place on any day of the year as there were restrictions in reference to such. As a great number of religious festivals occurred in the early summer, requiring the constant attendance of the priests, marriages were forbidden to take place during the whole month of May and the first half of June. On the dies parentales, from the thirteenth to the twenty-first of February, marriages could not take place, as on these days there were memorial services for deceased kindred and offerings to their manes. Wedding-days could not be placed upon August 24, October 5, and November 8, as the underworld was supposed to stand open on these days, so they were most unlucky days. Nor could such other unlucky days be used as the kalenda, nones, or ides of any month. Nor was it considered appropriate for young girls to be married on religious holidays, although widows could do so. The best time was considered to be that which followed the ides of June.
The guests having assembled in the early morning at the home of the bride's father, or of her nearest relative, the bride being decked out in her wedding garments and the bridegroom having arrived, the wedding ceremonies began with the taking of auspices. In earlier times this was done by observing the flight of birds, but later by the examination of the entrails of an animal, which was conducted by an haruspex, a professional diviner. If the omens were favorable, then the wedding sacrifice was made, usually a sheep, and the skin was spread over stools or chairs, on which the bridal pair sat. The right hands of the pair were then joined by a pronuba, a woman who had been married but once and who thus acted as a kind of priestess, and the bride signified her willingness to come into the manus of the bridegroom and to take his name by repeating the formula, "Quando tu Gaius, ego Gaia," "You being Gaius, I am Gaia." The wedding party then went to a temple or public altar, where offerings and prayer were made to the flamen dialis to the gods, especially to June as the patron of marriage. During the offering, the bridal pair sat side by side, while during the prayer they walked together slowly around the altar. These completed, then all returned to the house of the bride's father where a great feast was held.
At nightfall the feast ended and then came the deductio, the leading home of the bride. The bridegroom and his friends made a pretense of snatching the bride away from her father's house, in commemoration of the rape of the Sabines. In reality the father was the only one who could break the bonds that attached the bride to the hearth of her ancestors, where she was under the protection of the household gods, and so he handed her over to the husband and his family to enter into the new relations with them. The bride was escorted by three boys, sons of living parents, two of them holding her by the hand, the other one going before her bearing the bridal torch of white thorn, to drive away the malevolent spirits. Her way was lighted by four married women bearing pine torches and behind her was borne a distaff, a spindle, and in a basket the instruments for feminine work. The procession went through the streets singing, accompanied by flutes, bonfires were lit in the streets and the streets were lined with people, and specially with children, as the bridegroom threw nuts to them to show that he had given up childish things, the bride also having given up her dolls and playthings by offering them to the household gods who had protected her childhood.
As the bride came to the door of her new home, she rubbed oil on the doorposts and then wound woolen bands around them, in order to keep off baleful spells. She was then lifted up by her companions so that her feet might not touch the threshold, sacred to Vesta, the virgin goddess. In the atrium, she received from her husband the symbolic gifts of fire and water. The two then knelt together and with the bridal torch lighted their first hearth fire, offered a sacrifice, and broke the cake of far, and ate it together. The husband then presented the keys of the house to the wife to show that henceforth she was to have the management of the household. The day was ended with a feast given by the bridegroom to the relatives and friends.
"No one who studies this ceremonial of Roman marriage, in the light of the ideas which it indicates and reflects, can avoid the conclusion that the position of the married woman must have been one of substantial dignity, calling for and calling out a corresponding type of character. Beyond doubt the position of the Roman materfamilias was a much more dignified one than that of the Greek wife. She was far indeed from being a mere drudge or squaw; she shared with her husband in all the duties of the household, including those of religion, and within the house itself she was practically supreme. She lived in the atrium, and was not shut away in a woman's chamber; she nursed her own children and brought them up; she had entire control of the female slaves who were her maids; she took her meals with her husband, but sitting, not reclining, and abstaining from wine; in all practical matters she was consulted, and only on questions politically and intellectual was she expected to be silent. When she went out arrayed in the graceful stola matronalis, she was treated with respect, and the passers-by made way for her; but it is characteristic of her position that she did not as a rule leave the house without the knowledge of her husband, or without an escort."[186]
The wife was expected to lament for her husband upon his death and during the time of mourning certain prohibitions were imposed upon her, but these were not imposed upon the widower. Severe penalties were placed upon a widow who married within ten months after the death of her husband. When a widow married, if the husband went to live in her home, the bed upon which the former husband died was removed, the door of the bed-chamber was changed, and the things in the rooms were moved about, that there might be as few reminders as possible of the former husband.