A minute later Lensky was alone in the room. Perfection has withdrawn with a deep bow. Lensky had the feeling that a misfortune had occurred--a misfortune which was his fault. He did not know what, and could not measure the consequences of what had happened. Suddenly his heart beat loudly and heavily. The sweat of anxiety stood on his brow. Why had he not better governed himself?
But what wonder? He had never been able to govern himself; how should he learn it as an old man?
XXXVIII.
Except that from principle he never touched his bow on the days of his concerts before he presented himself to the audience, Lensky spent this day just like any other; one perceived no outward excitement about him. This time it was otherwise.
Early in the morning he visited his wife's grave in the pretty churchyard by the Cestius pyramid, at the foot of the Aventine. When he returned his face bore the signs of severe weeping, and he shut himself into his room for many hours. Mascha heard him practise. He incessantly tried passages on his violin as if he would strengthen his memory. At lunch he sat down with his children, but could eat nothing. He complained of weariness in his left arm. Twice the fork fell from his hand.
In the afternoon Mascha proposed a drive, having noticed that he was restless and uneasy. He consented. On the Corso they met Frau Spatzig in her carriage. Lensky was about to remove his hat, then he was ashamed of his cowardice, and turned away his head.
They drove far out in the Campagna. The fairy charm of spring spread the fragrance of its renewed life over the graves and ruins. Dreamily Lensky's eyes wandered over the wide plain. He recognized everything. How often he had driven along this street with Natalie! He felt young again, a feeling of elevating enthusiasm took possession of him.
And suddenly a vibrating and singing began in his soul. He listened breathlessly. What wonderful songs were those? He could have written them down now, immediately.
But did that really all ring through his soul? It seemed to him that he heard the music vibrating down to him from above. He bent forward----
Ever lower, the song sank down to earth, with its consoling, calming compassion, the divine compassion of an angel who understands the pain of a tormented human heart.