But it was a hard struggle that he had to make with himself; it affected his health, and he was for several days confined to his room. His father's warnings had struck chords in his innermost being, which vibrated painfully; the thought of having forfeited his father's full confidence rendered him inconsolable. "Believe whatever you please of me, only not that I am wicked. There are people who believe it is impossible to love a poor girl without having evil intentions. I am no Brunetti, and no Misliweczeck—I am a Mozart, a young but an honourable Mozart." Gradually, however, his loving trust in his father regained its old supremacy. "'God first, and then papa'; that was my motto as a child, and I am true to it still." He and his mother began to prepare in earnest for their departure, and the father was ready with instructions and good advice, nor did he withhold the paternal blessing from his well-loved son:—
How deeply I feel the wider separation that is about to take place between us you can partly imagine, but I cannot expect you to feel the intensity with which it oppresses me. If you will only reflect seriously on all that I did for you two children in your early years, you will not certainly accuse me of timidity, but you will do me the justice to acknowledge that I am, and always have been, a man with courage to venture anything. At the same time I used all possible prudence and foresight; against accidents no one can provide, for God alone sees into the future. I have not, my dear Wolfgang, the least mistrust in you; on the contrary, I have perfect confidence and hope in your filial love. Everything now depends on the sound understanding which you certainly possess if you will only listen to it, and upon fortunate circumstances; these last are not to be controlled, but I hope and pray that you will always take counsel of your understanding. You are now about to enter a new world, and you must not believe that I am prejudiced in considering Paris so dangerous a place; au contraire, my own experience gives me no cause to think it at all dangerous. But the circumstances of my former and your present stay there are as widely asunder as heaven and earth.
DEPARTURE FROM MANNHEIM, 1778.
After explaining this in more detail, and giving Wolfgang minute directions as to the position he should take in Paris. L. Mozart concludes with the words:—
I know that you look upon me not only as your father, but as your truest and firmest friend; and that you are well aware that our happiness and misery—nay more, my long life or speedy death are, under God, so to speak, in your hands. If I know you aright, I have nothing to look forward to but that pleasure which will be my only consolation in your absence, and I must resign myself to neither seeing, hearing, nor embracing you. Live like a good Catholic Christian; love God and fear Him; pray to Him sincerely and devoutly, and let your conduct be such that should I never see you again, my death-bed may be free from anxiety. From my heart I bless you, and remain till death your loving father and firmest friend.
It was only when Mozart's departure from Mannheim drew very near that the loss on both sides was fully realised. The farewell concerts which he arranged as displays for himself, his compositions, and his pupils, impressed his extraordinary talents on the public mind. Regrets at his departure were heard on all sides, not only from musicians, but from all men of cultivation who had the fame of Mannheim at heart, among them the author of the "Deutsche Hausvater" (March 24, 1778):—
Before leaving Mannheim I made copies for Herr von Gemmingen of the quartet (80 K.) which I wrote that evening in the inn at Lodi; also of the quintet (174 K.), and of the Fischer variations (179 K.). He wrote me an extremely polite note, expressing his pleasure at the remembrance, and sent me a letter to his very good friend, Herr von Sickingen, adding, "I am well assured that you will do more to recommend this letter, than it can possibly do to recommend you." And he sent me three louis-d'or to cover the cost of copying the music. He assured me of his friendship, and begged for mine in return. I must say that all the cavaliers who knew me, the court councillors, chamberlains, court musicians, and other good people, were vexed and disappointed at my leaving. There is no mistake about that.
He was in some degree consoled by the prospect of finding opportunities for composition in Paris (February 28, 1778)
What I chiefly look forward to in Paris is the Concert Spirituel, for which I shall probably have to write something. The orchestra is so good and strong, and my most favourite compositions, choruses, can be MANNHEIM. well performed there; I am very glad that the Parisians are so fond of them. The only fault that was found with Piccinni's new opera "Roland"[ 108 ] was that the choruses were weak and poor, and the music altogether a little monotonous; otherwise it was very well received. The Parisians were accustomed to Gluck's choruses. Rely upon me, I shall do all that is in my power to bring honour to the name of Mozart; I am not afraid.
