“How do you know?”
Freddie groped for his eye-glass, which had fallen again.
He regarded it a trifle sternly. He was fond of the little chap, but it was always doing that sort of thing. The whole trouble was that, if you wanted to keep it in its place, you simply couldn’t register any sort of emotion with the good old features: and, when you were chatting with a fellow like Wally Mason, you had to be registering something all the time.
“Well, that was a bit of luck, as a matter of fact. When I first got here, you know, it seemed to me the only thing to do was to round up a merry old detective and put the matter in his hands, like they do in stories. You know! Ring at the bell. ‘And this, if I mistake not, Watson, is my client now.’ And then in breezes client and spills the plot. I found a sleuth in the classified telephone directory, and toddled round. Rummy chaps, detectives! Ever met any? I always thought they were lean, hatchet-faced Johnnies with inscrutable smiles. This one looked just like my old Uncle Ted, the one who died of apoplexy. Jovial, puffy-faced bird, who kept bobbing up behind a fat cigar. Have you ever noticed what whacking big cigars these fellows over here smoke? Rummy country, America. You ought to have seen the way this blighter could shift his cigar right across his face without moving his jaw-muscles. Like a flash! Most remarkable thing you ever saw, I give you my honest word! He …”
“Couldn’t you keep your Impressions of America for the book you’re going to write, and come to the point?” said Wally rudely.
“Sorry, old chap,” said Freddie meekly. “Glad you reminded me. Well … Oh, yes. We had got as far as the jovial old human bloodhound, hadn’t we? Well, I put the matter before this chappie. Told him I wanted to find a girl, showed him a photograph, and so forth. I say,” said Freddie, wandering off once more into speculation, “why is it that coves like that always talk of a girl as ‘the little lady’? This chap kept saying ‘We’ll find the little lady for you!’ Oh, well, that’s rather off the rails, isn’t it? It just floated across my mind and I thought I’d mention it. Well, this blighter presumably nosed about and made enquiries for a couple of days, but didn’t effect anything that you might call substantial. I’m not blaming him, mind you. I shouldn’t care to have a job like that myself. I mean to say, when you come to think of what a frightful number of girls there are in this place, to have to … well, as I say, he did his best but didn’t click; and then this evening, just before I came here, I met a girl I had known in England—she was in a show over there—a girl called Nelly Bryant …”
“Nelly Bryant? I know her.”
“Yes? Fancy that! She was in a thing called ‘Follow the Girl’ in London. Did you see it by any chance? Topping show! There was one scene where the …”
“Get on! Get on! I wrote it,”
“You wrote it?” Freddie beamed simple-hearted admiration. “My dear old chap, I congratulate you! One of the ripest and most all-wool musical comedies I’ve ever seen. I went twenty-four times. Rummy I don’t remember spotting that you wrote it. I suppose one never looks at the names on the programme. Yes, I went twenty-four times. The first time I went was with a couple of chappies from …”