2d. According to the result of our psychological inquiry we ought to declare most decidedly that we will not live with the family of the wife, nor take her mother into our house. If the chosen one of our heart really loves us she will consider this decision of ours quite just, and will help us to gain the victory if a battle there must be.
In your own case do not pass it over, do not cede a hand’s breadth of land; keep firm in your intention, being quite convinced that by so doing you will make your own happiness, that of your wife, and of the new family. Between mother-in-law and son-in-law there ought to be affection and respect; a current of benevolent, delicate, and gentle sentiment ought to pass between them, but at a distance, a most respectful distance; so that no sparks, shocks, much less lightning flashes, may appear. Affection, not intimacy; respect, not subjection.
⁂
But the complications do not finish with the problem of the mother-in-law. There is the other problem which arises when the candidate for marriage has lost his first wife, or the woman her first husband, or both of them their first partners, with or without children on one side or on both sides.
The possible combinations are these:
- Widow and widower
- without children.
- with children.
- of the man.
- of the woman.
- of both.
- Widower
- without children.
- with children.
- Widow
- without children.
- with children.
These various combinations are so many algebraical formulæ in which one may find snares, dangers to happiness, and rancour without end.
If you are a widower and you marry a widow, and neither of you have children, no danger hangs over you. Liberty on both sides, no right nor pretext for intervention; marriage presents itself almost in the guise of an union between two young people.
You may indeed incur the danger of your wife making comparisons, and these not to your advantage. An old proverb says, Comparisons are odious, but I should like to make a correction and add that for him to whom they are unfavourable they are odious, but flattering to him who gains by them. Perhaps you may excel your predecessor, and your companion will be happy to find it so.