1. The Fantastiks announce their shortcomings in chorus of original words to the opening music of the Bing Boys—"We're the Fantastiks, and we rise at six and don't get much time to rehearse, so if songs don't go, and the show is slow, well, we hope you'll say it might have been worse," etc., etc.
| 2. | Violin | 1. "Andantino" (Kreisler) 2. "Capriccioso" (Drdla) | } | P.B. Waddell |
| 3. | Recitation | Humorous | N.F. Lowson | |
| 4. | Chorus Song | "Piccadilly" | Fantastiks(in monocles) | |
| 5. | Stories | M. Richardson | ||
| 6. | China Town | Fantastiks |
(Sung in the dark with lighted Chinese lanterns, quite
professional in effect—at least we hoped so!)
| 7. | Recitation | Serious | B. Hutchinson | ||
| 8. | Mr. Lenard Ashwell and his Ventriloquist Doll | } | { | M. Richardson P.B. Waddell | |
| 9. | Duet | "When the Clock strikes Thirteen" | G. Quin and W. Mordaunt | ||
| 10. | Violin Solo | "Zigeunerweisen" (Sarasate) | P.B. Waddell | ||
| 11. | Song | "Au Revoir" | W. Mordaunt | ||
| 12. | The Kangaroo Hop | Fantastiks |
The chorus wore their goat-coats for this last item, and with animal masks fixed by elastic, bears, wolves, elephants, etc., it was distinctly realistic.
When "God save the King" had been sung, and the usual thanks and cheers given, and received, the Sergeant-Major from the Canteen (with the beautiful waxed moustache) rushed forward to say that light refreshments had been provided. The "grizzly bears" were only too thankful, as they had had no time to snatch even a bun before they left camp.
CHAPTER XVI
THE LAST RIDE
The hardest job in the Convoy was admittedly that of the big lorry, for, early and late, it was first and last on the field.