“But I fear that it is true. For instance, Armide has a dissolute heart; your wife also has a——”
“For God’s sake, Bélan, let us drop that subject!”
“Yes, I will tell you about my new discoveries some other time. Oh! these women! how sly they are! But you know that as well as I. Au revoir, my dear fellow.”
He did well to leave me; I was on the point of jumping at his throat again. Was it possible that I could not listen to a word about betrayed husbands, or unfaithful wives, without flying into a passion? I felt that I must keep a tight hold upon myself, that I must be cool and sensible; but I must also know the truth concerning the liaison between Eugénie and Monsieur Dulac.
Eugénie and I no longer spoke to each other except to make bitter, sneering remarks; most of the time we said nothing. Notwithstanding all that, I went everywhere with my wife; I would not allow her to go out without me. But in society I had that depressed, pensive manner which prevents one from being agreeable; for we met Monsieur Dulac at almost every party which we attended. If I played cards, I was inattentive to the game, because I was constantly looking about for my wife, to see if he was speaking to her, if he was with her. If she was playing, I sat by her side, to make sure that no one else should take that place. If she danced, and it happened to be with Monsieur Dulac, I compelled her to leave the ball abruptly and she dared not resist, for she could read in my eyes that I would make a scene before the whole assemblage. I am sure that I was universally esteemed a morose, ill-tempered, jealous bear, and that people said of Eugénie: “Poor little woman! her husband makes her very unhappy! he’s a tyrant! he’s a miserable fellow!”—Yes, people undoubtedly said such things of me; for the world almost always judges by appearances.
Only when caressing my daughter did I enjoy a moment’s happiness. Dear child! if I had been deprived of your caresses, what would have been left for me on earth? Her brother was still too young to understand me; but she seemed to read my unhappiness in my eyes, and to try to divert me from my sorrow by her soft words.
One morning, fatigued by a sleepless night, and even more by my thoughts, I dressed, and, contrary to my usual custom—which was to remain in my study until ten o’clock, I left the house before eight.
Chance—destiny, perhaps—led me to walk in the direction of Boulevard du Temple. At first I thought of going to see my mother; but I reflected that it was much too early, as she seldom rose before ten o’clock. I concluded that it would be better to call on my friends on Rue du Temple; it was more than six months since I had seen them. So I walked to Ernest’s house, where I was told that he had moved, and that he now lived on Boulevard Saint-Martin.
I was about to go thither, when a woman in a cap and morning jacket, with a bowl of milk in her hand, nodded to me as she passed.
I turned; it was Lucile. I had not seen her since the day that my wife surprised us together on the Terrasse des Feuillants. She had turned and stopped; she was smiling at me. As I no longer feared that my wife was watching me, I walked back to bid Lucile good-morning.