MT. PISGAH’S CHRISTMAS ’POSSUM
No more happy expedient for raising the revenues of the church could have been found than that which was evolved by the fecund brain of the Reverend Isaiah Johnson. Mr. Johnson was wise in his day and generation. He knew his people, their thoughts and their appetites, their loves and their prejudices. Also he knew the way to their hearts and their pocket-books.
As far ahead as the Sunday two weeks before Christmas, he had made the announcement that had put the congregation of Mt. Pisgah church into a flurry of anticipatory excitement.
“Brothahs an’ sistahs,” he had said, “you all reckernizes, ez well ez I does, dat de revenues of dis hyeah chu’ch ain’t whut dey ought to be. De chu’ch, I is so’y to say, is in debt. We has a mo’gage on ouah buildin’, an’ besides de int’rus’ on dat, we has fuel to buy an’ lightin’ to do. Fu’thahmo’, we ain’t paid de sexton but twenty-five cents on his salary in de las’ six months. In conserquence of de same, de dus’ is so thick on de benches dat ef you’d jes’ lay a clof ovah dem, dey’d be same ez upholstahed fu’niture. Now, in o’dah to mitigate dis condition of affairs, yo’ pastoh has fo’med a plan which he wishes to p’nounce dis mo’nin’ in yo’ hyeahin’ an’ to ax yo’ ’proval. You all knows dat Chris’mus is ’proachin’, an’ I reckon dat you is all plannin’ out yo’ Chris’mus dinnahs. But I been a-plannin’ fu’ you when you was asleep, an’ my idee is dis,—all of you give up yo’ Chris’mus dinnahs, tek fifteen cents er a qua’tah apiece an’ come hyeah to chu’ch an’ have a ’possum dinnah.”
“Amen!” shouted one delighted old man over in the corner, and the whole congregation was all smiles and acquiescent nods.
“I puceive on de pa’t of de cong’egation a disposition to approve of de pastoh’s plan.”
“Yes, yes, indeed,” was echoed on all sides.
“Well, den I will jes’ tek occasion to say fu’thah dat I already has de ’possums, fo’ of de fattes’ animals I reckon you evah seen in all yo’ bo’n days, an’ I’s gwine to tu’n ’em ovah to Brothah Jabez Holly to tek keer of dem an’ fatten ’em wuss ag’in de happy day.”