“Nonsense!” growled Mr. Walton, sipping his wine.
Mr. Blodgett laughed slightly. “That’s rather a good name for it,” he assented; “but the trouble is, Walton, that nonsense is a very big part of every woman’s life. You’ll never get me to fool with it again.”
I often ponder over those three brief remarks of yours, and of what you said to me last autumn, in our ride and in the upper hall of My Fancy, trying to learn, if possible, what your feeling is towards us. Can you, despite all that has intervened, still feel any tenderness and love for my father and me? Perhaps it was best that you were silent; if you had spoken of him with contempt, I think—I know you would not, my darling, for you loved him once, and that, to you, would be reason enough to be merciful to the dead, however sinning.
Dear love, good-night.
XV
March 6. You once said to me that you could conceive of no circumstances that would justify dishonesty; for, no matter what the seeming benefits might be, the indirect consequences and the effect on the misdoer’s character more than neutralized them. The wrong I have done has only proved your view, and I have come to scorn myself for the dishonorable part I have played. Yet I think that you would pity more than blame me, if you could but know my sacrifices. I drifted into the fraud unconsciously, and cannot now decide at what point the actual stifling of my conscience began. I suppose the first misstep was when I entered Mr. Whitely’s employment; yet though I knew it to be unscrupulous in him to impose my editorials as his own, it still seemed to me no distinct transgression in me to write them for him. With that first act those that followed became possible, and each involved so slight an increase in the moral lapse, and my debt to you was so potent an excuse to blind me, that at the time I truly thought I was doing right. I wonder what you would have done had you been in my position?
Mr. Blodgett’s shrewdness in stipulating what work I was to do for Mr. Whitely quickly proved itself. One of the magazines asked my employer to contribute an article on The Future of Journalism. Handing me the letter, he said, “Dr. Hartzmann, kindly write a couple of thousand words on that subject.”
“That surely is not part of my duty, Mr. Whitely,” I had the courage to respond.
He looked at me quickly, and his mouth stiffened into a straight line. “Does that mean that you do not choose to do it?” he asked suavely.