Are you, then, half-minded to go back to your old sins? Have you not, after all, given up the devil and his works? Then I do not wonder that you are thankless and ungrateful. Then I do not wonder at that cloud upon your brow, nor at the indifferent manner in which you presume to receive the Body of your Lord. Friend, that cloud is the shadow of impending damnation. For says the apostle, "He that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Body of the Lord." [Footnote 25]
[Footnote 25: I Cor. xi. 29.]
Oh! no; let me hope I am mistaken; that it is far otherwise with you; that if indeed you may have ever done this before, you are not come to repeat it now.
Now you have utterly cast off all sin and all intention to sin. Now you wish to belong only to Jesus. Seeing from what a pit of hell He has delivered you, and knowing to what a height of grace and glory He has raised you, I feel sure you are only anxious about one thing, and that is, how you can give expression to the gratitude of which your heart is so full. Shall it be in long, devout prayers, full of emotion and tender feeling, telling the Lord over and over again that you are so thankful for what He has done for you, for His great condescension and surpassing love? Well, brethren, you may do that if you like, and I think Jesus will be pleased with it. But that is not the only test of a thankful heart. If you can say truly—O my Jesus! my dear Lord! I love Thee above all; for Thee I love all that Thou hast loved, even my enemies, and I forgive them all the offences they have done to me, as freely and fully as Thou hast forgiven me; and now it is my firm purpose never to commit another sin while I live—then, dear brethren, I am sure you will praise Him aright.
Let your prayer be such as Blessed Henry Suso made in his communion. His words are far better than mine, and they will be more profitable to you. Let me end my discourse with them:
"Lord, if my heart had the love of all hearts, my conscience the purity of all angels, and my soul the beauty of all souls, so that by Thy grace I should be worthy of Thee, I wish to receive Thee to-day so affectionately, and so to bury and sink Thee to the bottom of my heart and soul, that neither joy nor sorrow, neither life nor death, could separate me from Thee. Amen."