“Well, I’m awf’ly sorry to have to run away and leave you now, dear Haddock. I might have taken you to all the pubs in Folkestone if I’d had time. I might have come to your hotel and dined with you. You will excuse me, won’t you? I must go now. I’ve got to wash up the tea things and clean the Sergeant’s boots,” said Dam, cruelly wringing the Haddock’s agonized soft hand, and, with a complete and disconcerting change, added, “And if you breathe a word about having seen me, at Monksmead, or tell Lucille, I’ll seek you out, my Haddock, and—we will hold converse with thee”. Then he strode away, cursing himself for a fool, a cad, and a deteriorated, demoralized ruffian. Anyhow, the Haddock would not mention the appalling incident and give him away.
Nemesis followed him.
Seeking a quiet shop in a back street where he could have the long-desired meal in private, he came to a small taxidermist’s, glanced in as he passed, and beheld the pride and joy of the taxidermist’s heart—a magnificent and really well-mounted boa-constrictor, and fell shrieking, struggling, and screaming in the gutter.
That night Damocles de Warrenne, ill, incoherent, and delirious, passed in a cell, on a charge of drunk and disorderly and disgracing the Queen’s uniform.
Mr. Levi Solomonson had not disgraced it, of course.
“If we were not eating this excellent bread-and-dripping and drinking this vile tea, what would you like to be eating and drinking, Matthewson?” asked Trooper Nemo (formerly Aubrey Roussac d’Aubigny of Harrow and Trinity).
“Oh, … a little real turtle,” said Dam, “just a lamina of sole frite, a trifle of vol an vent à la financière, a breast of partridge, a mite of paté de fois gras, a peach à la Melba, the roe of a bloater, and a few fat grapes—”
“’Twould do. ’Twould pass,” sighed Trooper Burke, and added, “I would suggest a certain Moselle I used to get at the Byculla Club in Bombay, and a wondrous fine claret that spread a ruby haze of charm o’er my lunch at the Yacht Club of the same fair city. A ‘Mouton Rothschild something,’ which was cheap at nine rupees a small bottle on the morrow of a good day on the Mahaluxmi Racecourse.” (It was strongly suspected that Trooper Burke had worn a star on his shoulder-strap in those Indian days.)
“It’s an awful shame we can’t all emerge from the depths and run up to Town to breathe the sweet original atmosphere for just one night before we leave old England,” put in Trooper Punch Peerson (son of a noble lord) who would at that moment have been in the Officers’ Mess but for a congenital weakness in spelling and a dislike of mathematics. “Pity we can’t get ‘leaf,’ and do ourselves glorious at the Carlton, and ‘afterwards’. We could change at my Governor’s place into borrowed, stolen, and hired evening-kit, paint the village as scarlet as Sin or a trooper’s jacket, and then come home, like the Blackbird, to tea. I am going, and if I can’t get ‘leaf’ I shall return under the bread in the rations-cart. Money’s the root of all (successful) evil.”
Trooper Punch Peerson was a born leader of men, a splendid horseman and soldier, and he had the Army in his ardent, gallant blood and bones; but how shall a man head a cavalry charge or win the love and enthusiastic obedience of men and horses when he is weak in spelling and has a dislike of mathematics?